Life, Interrupted.

"Yeah, its all over now", my brother said with a deep sigh. "He looked just as handsome as he did before all of this happened". My heart felt heavier and my eyes teared up as I looked out the window hoping to find deeper answers to life's more complex questions.
***********
Around nine months ago, I was woken up by a phone call very early in the morning. It was the weekend, so I let it ring and continued my slumber until I got my lazy butt out of bed. It was after doing my morning chores that I decided to check who had called - it was my wife's cousin. The voice mail he left threw me right out of my comfort zone. He had been having headaches, so the doctor suggested an MRI and they had discovered a tumor in his brain. I felt like slapping myself for not taking his call and letting it go to voice mail. I desperately tried to call him back, but did not get any answer. It was later on that I knew he had been hospitalized and they had started further investigations into his condition.

Fast forward a couple of weeks - I traveled to Chicago to be by his side and also receive his parents who were on their way from India. It was 3 days packed with emotions - of him, his sister and his parents. There was a mix of anxiety, despair and hope for a better future - Medical science has made so many advances - we can clone entire organs, so a tumor in the brain could not be much of a puzzle for the brightest of doctors right?

Except, it was. They ruled out surgery as it was too complex and started chemo, radiation and rehabilitation. I painfully watched as his dad helped him regain his strength to walk, assist him to the bathroom and help him with other things otherwise considered mundane in daily life. For his dad, it was as if life had progressed in reverse, when his son was a little boy, and he was holding his hands to help him get his balance.

As time passed he fought back with his strong will power and zest for living, but then all of that suffered huge blows as hope dwindled and more doctors said that there was nothing more they could do. He never complained about how life was unfair and that he was given the short end of a stick. The bounce in his talk was still there, though occasionally he would delve into long streaks of silence. He joked about the hair he had lost because of the chemo and of the weight he had put on because of all the steroids.

After putting up a brave fight, the third week of March was destined to be his last on this planet. The last few days were particularly tough - for him and everyone close to him and then he decided he had enough. The tumor eventually outgrew his willpower and took over control. I guess some dark clouds do not have a silver lining after all.
******
After that phone call from my brother after his funeral, I called and spoke to his dad the next day. It hurt deeply, and though the chatty person that I am, I was at a loss for words in all languages I knew. I told him what I felt - all he could do was to look after himself and hos wife as his son would have done and that live life as happily as he would have wanted you to. In a way, the best homage to a bright young lad.

The loss of a child is more scarring in many ways compared to the loss of parents or close relatives. It hurts you until your last breath. Many a lesson can be learned from all of this - the most important one being - never  lose the joy of living life amidst complaints about all the nitty grtty details.

Jiby was 24 at the time of his funeral. He was just beginning to enjoy life in its prime - precisely why he fought so hard against what eventually took his life at a young age. May his soul rest his peace and may his memories light up moments of people he touched.

Sleep well my friend, for you shall be forever young.

Picture courtesy - http://usagamezone.blogspot.com

It's all Relative!

"All this began after we moved into this god forsaken house", he shouted as he slammed the door behind him. "So now you are blaming our son's illness on the house too?" She responded with the highest pitch she could manage though she knew he wouldn't hear it.

As she sat down next to her bedridden son, she broke down to tears, covering her face and hushing her voice so her son would not wake up. She was always the ambitious one in the family - dreaming higher, getting the man of her dreams, then pursuing him to buy the house of her dreams and finally pursuing a career of her dreams. Then as fate would have it, things broke down soon after her son fell terminally ill. She started to question all her decisions in life and asking herself - "What is the point in all of this? Why am I so overworked to get to my reserved place in society?" As she pondered over life's bigger questions, she gazed out the window and saw a woman with two kids outside the gate looking at her house.

"Mom, I want a house like that. Then  Kayla and I could have birthday parties and we could play in the backyard and also have our friends over!". "I wish I had a house like that", said Kayla.  "Well, I wish we had a house like that too kids, but with your dad being laid off and mom not being able to get a promotion, we will have to be satisfied with the apartment we have. Well, I guess we will never be lucky as the people who live in this house. OK, let's go to the park." "Yay", the kids said in unison and ran across the street to get to the park.

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS. Have you put your problems into perspective lately?


Image courtesy : http://www.hypebeast.com

Inspiration is a chain reaction

It is a universally known fact that money is always tight for a college student. (Well, at least for the majority of us). During my college days, things were no different. For the purposes of full disclosure, I have to add that my mom did send me money, but when you add the Total Cost of Living (including costs of booze, other guilty pleasures etc.), the liabilities easily outweigh assets.

It was at one of those dinners with a shoe string budget that I bore witness to a random act which would have a profound impact later in my life (though I did not realize it at the time).  It was a warm night in Chennai (Madras at the time) and I was heading for dinner towards a street stand close to where we lived. During the short walk, I was carefully calculating the amount of food I could have for the meager amount of money I was carrying with me (And all of you wonder how Asians end up better at Math!). By the time I reached there, I had a pretty good idea of what and how much I will be ordering. While I was munching down my share of street delicacies, I saw a man (who had more than his share of alcohol) walking up to the person next to me. The person next to me definitely looked like he had a job (since he had a motorcycle and was dressed decently) and was sitting on his motorcycle and slowly chowing down his dinner. The drunk then asked him  - "Can I have some money so I can eat something? I am starved!". The other man seemed to be repulsed by the smell and demeanor and quickly moved backwards, then shook his head, gesturing a firm 'No'. The street vendor shouted - "Get the hell out; don't disturb my customers!". The drunk clearly knew a "No" when he saw it as he walked away slowly and sat down on the pavement a couple of meters away from me.His head hung low, either from shame or more likely, from the effects the alcohol had on his brain.

Like a wave washing away scriptures on sand, I could see that the man on the motorcycle being overpowered by a wave of sympathy and regret washing away his earlier feelings of repulsion. He turned to the drunk and said - "Ok, come and get whatever you want to eat; I will take care of the bill!". He must have known that I was watching all of this, so he quickly turned to me and said, "I know if I give him money he will spend it on booze, this way he will at least eat to ward off his hangover."

The gesture had an impact on me enough that I stopped eating and nodded my head in agreement. I also managed a smile in between all the other thoughts that were in my head. But later on in life, this inspired me to make giving a part of my life and whenever I did that I also made sure that it went to the source rather than an agency or upfront admin - of course, it means more work, but also much more rewarding.

So the next time you get a chance, indulge in a random act of kindness. You never know who you might inspire and how much of a chain reaction that triggers.

Image courtesy : www.clamlynch.com/blog/2005/06/

Pause. Reflect. Play.

She quietly opened the door so the noise would not waker her parents and brothers. She then put down her heavy backpack on the living room floor and  tiptoed her way into the sink. She washed her face to remove all the dirt and black stuff that had found its way from the factory floor. It was after a cold shower that she realized she was starving. She never had enough time to eat properly at work. Her parents could not afford to get enough to feed all their kids, so she always ended up with leftovers. After getting her hands on what little food she could get, she sat down and gently massaged her feet which was aching from all that walking at the assembly line. After a while, as she slowly slipped into her bed, she thought to herself - "My manager did seem impressed with my ideas to improve productivity. Hopefully that promotion should come through". She fell asleep knowing that the prospects of her ambition - becoming the VP of her company - were getting better each day.
-=-=-=-=-
Quietly, she opened the door to the kitchen from the garage and cursed as it made a loud squeaking noise. She hoped that the sound had not  woken up her husband and kids. She put down her heavy briefcase on the granite kitchen counter top and tip toed her way to the sink. She quickly washed off all the heavy makeup that seemed to suffocate her pores all day. She was never a fan of too much makeup, but in her corporate world of meetings and high profile clients, she always had to present her best face forward. It was then that hunger pangs struck her, and she proceeded to see what was left over in the fridge. There was plenty of food in the fridge, but her diet only allowed her to snack on the leftover salad. After a short while, she found herself  immersed in her high-end spa, gently massaging her feet to relieve them from the constant harassment they received from her high heeled shoes. She then sipped her favorite red wine and thought to herself - "The board of directors seemed pleased with my plan of growing exponentially through acquisitions - maybe my ambition of becoming CEO is not that far away. After all, there's only a couple of steps from VP to CEO."
-=-=-=-=-

OK, so I am not much of a storyteller, but more often than not in life, the begin and end points of our ambition feels the same - it is the journey to achieve it that gives the kicks. So when you are fast forwarding through life and everything feels automated and mechanical, press pause, take a deep breath, reflect on what you have achieved, enjoy it to the fullest and then proceed to play the rest. Just sayin'.

Image Courtesy : http://trcs.wikispaces.com/Analysis+of+Poems?f=print

Deathwish

"OK, OK, I admit! I do not take life seriously enough. You happy now?" As I slammed the door behind me and walked towards my motorcycle, I murmured - "I wish I wouldn't have to come back to this place again".

I had thought life would be a breeze now that I had finished college and landed a decent programmer job. The money from one job was not enough to fulfill my materialistic splurges, so I was working 3 jobs; on 10 to 5,  6 to 10(pm) and  11 - 2(am!)  time slots. The third job was for a friend, so working and partying went hand in hand. The only glitch in my otherwise smooth rolling life? I was living with mom. I was away from home since high school - for 7 years - until I found a job in my hometown and of course, the oasis of home made food and all chores being taken care of lured me in to stay.

And then, on a perfectly normal Sunday,  a call from my manager interrupted the verbal warfare between me and my mom. You see, Sundays were special since I would be home and it would make a perfect occasion for mom to make me realize how goal-less I have been throughout my life and that I needed to man up to take up big responsibilities. Anyway, my manager wanted me to get to the office to resolve a bug in the software we were supposed to deliver the next day. "See, everyone is just taking advantage of you!, why should you be working on a  Sunday. You just don't realize the seriousness of it."  I could see that  my mom's verbal floodgates were opening - so I grabbed the keys to my motorcycle, shouted those words, slammed the door and left.

The motorcycle's throttle saw all the rage in me. I was zipping past intersections and traffic (which was very light on that Sunday). Helmets were not enforced those days, so I did not bother to wear one. The wind string on my face calmed me down a little bit. At the end of an overpass, I came up behind an ambassador car. I wanted to overtake it, but I could see that the driver was deciding whether to take an illegal turn or not. After a moment or two, he decided (or it seemed to me) to call it off. So, I gave a strong twist to the throttle, bend down with my chest close to the fuel tank to apply aerodynamics, and proceeded to go around the car.

OK, now freeze frame. Pan camera and lift up to a slight aerial shot. Start slow motion.

In a split second, the driver decided to take the turn anyway. It was too late for me to slam on the brakes. My motorcycle hit the car head on as I was screaming at the driver of the car. The impact was huge. I was thrown out of my motorcycle into the air and I flew above the car. The motorcycle having the advantage of being heavy, fell and slid under the car. As I wandered my gaze, I quickly realized I was headed for landing amidst numerous sign posts (all made of iron!). I closed my eyes and prepared myself for the inevitable. I think I even squeezed out a couple of swear words in between.

Stop slow motion. Zoom out of dust rising from the road. Zoom in to show car driver's shell shocked face. Stop narrative.

No, your whole life does not flash in front of you as they show in the movies. It all happened so freaking fast. Like a miracle, I landed right in the area that lay in middle of all the signposts. I landed on my back and therefore the lack of a helmet did not affect me much. I was bleeding profusely, but in the end, it turned out I did not have any broken bones or any serious injuries.

I guess that was the teaser trailer to my desire to have things change drastically.

So the next time you wish for things to change drastically from status quo, think twice. All it takes is a wrong turn for it to come true. That too, from a total stranger.

Photo Courtesy - http://www.electrical-res.com/motorcycle-accident-attorneys/

Is your heart a Lake or a Marsh?

It was the summer of a year that marked the beginning of this millennium. I locked up my apartment in a hurry and walked down the stairs. My heart was getting heavier with each step I took downstairs. As I walked around the block to my friend's apartment, the phone call I received from him a couple of minutes earlier was still ringing in my head.

"I got a phone call from India," he said in that call. "My Dad passed away". As he went on with more details, my brain was already processing fond memories of his dad  - a very funny, intelligent and compassionate man who also happened to be a doctor. The news sank into my heart instantly - bringing out emotions that I never thought I had in the first place. With each passing minute, the news was digging deep into me; generating a whole bunch of questions - how could this happen? How would it impact my friend, his sister and mom? Had they already found out about this? How did they react?

I lost my father at a very young age, so I knew how the loss of a father figure could affect a person's mentality. It is not just the loss of a person - it is the loss of a friend, a support system and most importantly, a brutally honest critic. All of this cocoons into something that makes you want to be a better person all your life.

As I entered my friend's apartment and hugged him, I completely lost it. I was in tears and and held him tight, looking to console him out of his sorrow(as if that was possible). He then patted on my back and said, "It's ok, It's ok". It was then I realized something - the news had not struck him yet; he was still in no man's land, coming to terms with what had happened. There were no tears, just a blank look which, to an outsider,  would give an impression that he had everything under control. But I had known my friend for sometime now and I knew that there was a void that was created which could only be filled in by accepting the dreadful fact of his loss.

After making arrangements for his trip to India, some of my other friends and I saw him off at the airport that night. This was before 9/11, so we could go all the way up to the gate. We rehashed some memories of  the man, there were complaints about the long flight and a few laughs out of my friend. I thought to myself - "Ok, he still has not grappled with the news yet, but maybe the 18 hours of flight will do it".

It has been 10 years since then, and I have to say that not only did the news sink in for him, but it has been with them since then. I get a sense of it from the conversations that I have with him, the blog posts that he writes and the off hand impromptu remark that comes out of him.

Which brings me back to the post's title (it's about time) - when it comes to your heart is it a lake or a marsh? When news comes your way in the shape of a black stone, what does your heart morph into? A lake in which the stone sinks fast, but can be easily taken out by undercurrents? or a marsh where in the stone sinks slowly, making marks along its way and hard to move around? Or a mix of both?

Let us hope that whatever shape our hearts take, it never gets a bad news stone thrown at it. I know life is not full of happiness, so if something has to be thrown at it, may it be pebbles - that skip until it crosses the lake, and are so light that they could never sink into the marsh.


Image courtesy :www.myspaceantics.com

A series of fortunate events

(You are being forewarned - this is a long post; but I have done my best to keep it interesting. Hope you like it!)
******

"911. what is your emergency?"
I took a deep breath and replied -  "I am stuck in left most lane on highway 680. My SUV just refuses to start!"
---
We had been planning on going for a cabin trip for a while. The excitement really began to build in the last week prior to the trip. 7 of my friends, their families, a rusty wood cabin in south lake Tahoe and a weekend. Mix all of that in equal proportions and it becomes a perfect recipe for fun. I took off from work early that day and started packing for the trip.First step, clear all the junk that has piled up in my not so fuel efficient SUV. I cleaned up, locked the car, threw the trash in our apartment dumpster and got back to my home. It was then I noticed that the car key was missing. Maybe I left it in my other car - I thought. I took the keys of the other car and looked  - No, it isn't there. Then it struck me and the mere thought of it brought sweat to my temples - Yep, I had thrown it with the other trash into the dumpster. Fortunately, the dumpster had not been cleared yet, so I was able to retrieve it. While walking back, I thought - the other car is pretty messy too, I should clean it. So I followed through.
---
"Ok, is there anyone other than you in the car?"
"Yes - my wife, 2 kids and my mom". After making sure that all of us were alright, she said that she would send someone to help us in a couple of minutes.
---
"I think that's it", I said as I was looking around inside the apartment. "Right?" and I looked at my wife for reassurance. She usually remembers all the stuff that I forget (and most of the time, they are the most important ones). "I think so. If we missed anything, we can always buy it from there.",  she said as she was walking towards the car. Kids loaded? check. Seatbelts clicked? check.Directions? Check. "OK Jacob, let's go!" - I shouted in excitement and off we were to a fun trip. Or so we thought.
---
"Does this mean we won't be able to get to the cabin?" My son asked with tears rolling down his eyes.
"No, Jacob. I called someoone and they are going to send someone to help us."
"Yaaay!", came his reply. I was just glad that everyone in the car were calm and were not freaking out. I wouldn't be surprised if they did - After all, we were right in the middle of a highway, stranded in car on the left most lane and waiting for help of some sort. I started calling my friends one by one to update them of my status.
---
As we made made a turn to get out of our apartment complex, I took out my phone to make a call and thought - "Darn, the keys of the other car are still in my pocket - Now I will have to carry these through the weekend. Too late to return and put it back.". I called my friend and told him that we were on our way ahead of the scheduled time and that we will make it to the cabin well before nightfall. At this point my wife said "You know what, we forgot to take the beach chairs - now we won't have chairs to sit on the beach". Oh well, it is only the chairs, that's fine, we concluded.
---
In the rear view mirror, I saw 2 motorcycles with sirens and lights come to a stop behind my vehicle. "Ah, help has come" - I said with a sigh of relief. He gave me instructions to slowly turn the car back to the shoulder lane and as I followed, the vehicle slowly slid back into the shoulder lane, clearing the path for the traffic behind us. "The tow truck is on it's way" one of the cops said and they were on their way. "That was quick" I said to my mom and my wife alluding to the fact that the it had only been around 10 minutes since our car stopped to take my orders. "Is a big truck coming?" My son asked. "Yes, and it is going to take our car out of this road" I replied as I got out of the car and kept an eye out for an enormous ( and yellow most of the time) tow truck.
---
"Oh god, the traffic is horrible" my mom said as we were trying to merge into the highway filled with people and cars trying to "getaway from it all" during the weekend. As we were moving inch by inch, I called and synchronized the statuses of all of the attendees of our cabin trip - everyone was on their way except one. His son had some homework to do, so they will be starting late. "Oh no, they will be missing the early fun", I said in disappointment. "At least we will get some time to unwind since we reach there early", my wife added. Little did she know that it was all about to change in 20 minutes.
---
Approximately 20 minutes later, our car sputtered, hissed and then came to a stop as it was climbing a small slope under an overpass. That marks the end of this time warp and takes us to the beginning of the story.

Let me speed you through the rest of story as it is not interesting as the previous part had been (at least to me). The tow truck came (contrary to my assumption, it was not yellow - it was white and did I mention huge?), loaded my SUV onto it. My son and I were amazed at the sheer size and capability of this truck (I think it's a guy thing). We then rode back to an exit and and were unloaded onto a "safe zone" (I rode in the tow truck and my family, in another SUV that accompanied the tow truck). So there we were - in the parking lot of a shopping complex, waiting for the AAA technician and wondering whatever will happen to our greatly anticipated weekend getaway.

Now, you may be thinking - what does this title have to do with this story? You had all this happen and you call it a series of fortunate events? I know - I must be crazy, right? Let me explain - as it took me 3 weeks to figure it out - the prominence of the title is in the unfolding of events after this point.

The AAA technician finally arrived and he said he couldn't fix it that day, so he would have to take it to his shop. They would be closed for the weekend, so he could take a look at it only on Monday. I called my friend, who had not started for the trip yet, arranged for him to come and pick me up, transferred all our stuff on to his trunk, kept the keys of my SUV under the front carpet, locked it and left it there to be picked up by the AAA guy. We then drove back to my apartment, got the other car, came back to the "safe zone", picked up my family and were on our way to the cabin trip. It was like nothing happened. The weekend was great, we had a lot of fun and our family realized that a huge SUV does not augment to one's capability of having fun.

Now to the series of fortunate events - Cleaning out the other car enabled us to take the car for the trip. It helped that we left the beach chairs at home as it would not have fit into my other car or my friend's SUV. I locked my vehicle when I left it for pickup, so taking the other set of keys helped me to get back into my apartment and take the other car for the trip. If it were not for bumper to bumper traffic, some other car would have rammed into us when we suddenly slipped into "stationary" mode on the freeway. And finally, had my friend started early, we would have hailed a cab, gone back home and spent the weekend thinking -"Whatever  happened to our ever reliable SUV?". Besides, the traffic did not let us go very far from where we live, thus "making the trip back home and then heading out again idea" a realistic one.

To conclude, here is what I think - unfortunate events can happen at any time in your life, but if you have a series of fortunate events precede it and great friends to break your fall, the event may turn out to be - well, not that unfortunate.

What could be the story behind..?

He was leaning against the sign post of a bus stop. Clearly, today was not a cheerful day for him. As I drove past, I noticed that he almost collapsed onto the small seat in the bus stop. Shortly thereafter, he broke down in tears and all I could see in my rear view mirror was the image of a man wiping his tears, trying to prevent an outburst of emotions. Though my car had left the scene, my brain was hooked on it. He must be in his 30s, I thought to myself; so what could be the cause of his sadness? Did he lose his job? Was he hitting the now cliched "mid life crisis"? Did he just hear some devastating news?  

Careful! A red light..I must stop thinking about strangers and their problems and concentrate on the road.

That's me - a big sucker for flashbacks. I am always interested in moments that are out of the ordinary, since they usually have an equally interesting story that culminated the moment just preceding this one. What could be the series of events that led to this? Does it have to do with how the person reacted in that situation? Or does it have to do with society and its practises? Or as many who believe in a superpower say - is it all a part of a giant play that is orchestrated

with immense precision, skill and forethought?

At the next traffic light, I saw a bunch of boxes scattered on the road.  They were small wooden boxes and their contents (which was some kind of vegetable - as you can figure out I am a carnivore, hence the lack of skill in identifying a lesser known vegetable)  had spilled out in all directions on the road. I wondered why people were not paying attention to this - perhaps they were in their own little wooden boxes trying to get through their daily grind. But my mind wandered again - Was it an accident? Did somebody knock off these boxes when their vehicle hit a bump? Or did someone forget to tie down these boxes carefully? No matter what the situation was - how did bystanders and passers by react? Were they helpful?Or did they just ignore it? The undoing of these small wooden boxes is no small matter, it requires deep afterthought and analysis. (At least, I thought so!)

This obsession for flashbacks has ruined many a good movie for me. When friends mention a scene in the movie that is particularly good, my rebuttal goes somewhat like this - "Well, he was raised in a rich family and had a good education - So I don't think the portrayal of his reaction was accurate". I would have constructed his whole life for him based on the facts mentioned in the movie - and eventually conclude that the flashback does not lead to this particular scene. I also find faults with situations that are the reverse - the flashback shown in the movie conveniently ignores some facts of the present. Well, my dear director friend - you cannot deceive me - I have identified the traits that must go in the flashback, and it should be depicted as I perceived it to be!  

I must really seek some professional help.

I parked my car at work, headed up to our floor and slowly walked to my section. The scene I saw  stopped me on my tracks and got me in the ever wondering flashback mode - a messy laptop docking station, a cup that was  half full with old coffee and an empty cube- what could be the story behind..Wait, that is my cube - and I am late for work. I better get on my tasks or else someone else could be wondering about this scene  - " A teared up version of me walking down the stairs with a pink slip in hand". 

No, I definitely would not want that. So long, wandering mind. Now go rest in peace.

Days of our lives

Last weekend, my friends and I had a get together at my place. For the first few hours, our conversations kept going and we were having a lot of fun. The next day, after the hangover set in the horizon, I wondered - we were not talking about sports or girls or politics, but still the conversations were very interesting and engaging - how come?. Then it struck me - we had been talking about how we went about our daily lives. Dropping kids to school, making calls to the insurance companies, taking our cars for service et al. Also of note - none of us were leading particularly interesting lives. All of us called our lives mechanical, hated the daily grind and were of the opinion that life nowadays has become too robotic.

But is it really that mundane? If it were, how come ramblings about it are so interesting? How come it evokes so much laughter and excitement? Yeah, that's my point. Our lives are are not even close to mundane. By we, I mean the middle class, the working fabric of nations everywhere and people who by and large make up the biggest pie of the term "populace". We don't solve rocket science problems, do not hold bilateral discussion between countries or don't enact a scene that can get an Oscar nomination. Yet, for us, no day is like the previous, and what is to come is totally different from what was.

Can you imagine a favorite TV show or a movie that was not about ordinary folks? What would TV shows like Friends or Seinfeld look like if all of the characters were super rich? What would they talk about - How they lost money in the stock market? Come on, give me a break! The lives of ordinary people, in contrast, have lot more spice and flavor churned from their daily struggles to fix things and their effort to keep the wheels turning - kids education, insurance compliance, getting dates, figuring out when to get engaged (or get married) to their sweetheart etc. It's not that the wealthy don't have to do this, but they don't have to tie these to any successfully goal completions - like a bonus, a promotion or a tax refund.

Case in point - Before we call our lives too ordinary, robotic and mundane, let us reflect on it and recognize it for what it really is. It is the fuel that keeps us on the run, the tunnel that we keep building and the journey we keep on planning. In retrospect, we will find out that it was anything but boring - kind of like how we cherish our childhood and college days after we are done with those. So let us enjoy the day as it happens, take in the view as we drive through the journey, pause, and take time to smell the roses.

Flashbacks can never take you to the real thing, so enjoy the moment while you are in it and remember not to rush through the "Daily Grind". Just make sure you are armed with the best grinder available.

P.S. If you are a very rich person reading this, discard all of what you have read and contact me ASAP - I have a really good idea on how to start a great company with your money.

Shameless Self Promotion - Do we have a choice?

Scene 1: The camera zooms into my living room. Scrambled toys, a swing and an open shelf greets the viewer. Zoom out, pan and scan the hall. More scattered toys, and a a pair of kids shoes. The viewer is now sure that there are at least a couple of kids in this living space. Ah, finally, there is a shot of a room with some light. Wait, is that me sitting in front of my computer? Yes, it's me alright. Zoom in to the computer display - The words that are displayed in the computer monitor are clear now. It reads - "2008 Performance Objectives, Goals and Results".

There is a reason for the screenplay-style writing above. As I was writing the performance review for the past year, that's exactly what it felt like - a screenplay. I was trying to write the whole story of what happened at my job over the past year so I could prove to my manager that I am a keeper. So I penned it with care - my bread winning capability depended on this not being a tragedy, musical or a comedy. The story line needed to be inspiring, touching and "feel good" at the same time. Like "SlumDog Millionaire" - the target audience (in this case my manager) should feel that I have worked hard in difficult conditions and that I deserve more, and more often.

Now the mind wanderer that I am, I started thinking. Can we get by without marketing ourselves these days? Marketing oneself aggressively for the right job is a given, but what about other venues? On digging that thought-mine deeper, I realized that we end up doing it more often than not.

For a good insurance premium, we tout our sans accident driving record, years of driving experience and clean driving habits. For a good life insurance policy, we even praise our genetics - "no heart attacks on my mom's or dad's side - Alzheimer's maybe, but that was my uncle - Moreover, I don't keep touch with him that much anyway". When your kids complain that you never get them this or that or that you never take them out, your inner salesperson wakes up from deep slumber and fires back - "What about the days we went out to the park and I got you Cheetos and all that popcorn? Remember when I took you the cinema and you cried for Ice Cream? I even bought you two. Remember?" When your significant other notices that you are not romantic as you used to be, you immediately put on your mental suit and tie and the sales pitch starts - "Oh so the diamond means nothing to you now? What about our trip to Hawaii? And the flowers I bought for our anniversary- Your appreciation did not even last much as the roses did, Honey!" Bravo , you finely tuned selling machines, Bravo!

In the era of increasing "Me First" mentality, people who take notice of good actions, intentions and hard work are few and far between. If anyone had doubts about Darwin's theory of "Survival of the Fittest", now is the time to look around and see proof of it. Success is no longer measured in goodwill, but on how much you can afford to donate at GoodWill (the store). The world is increasingly being transformed into a multitude of ladders and each one of us have multiple ones to climb - in pursuit of prized possessions, stable relationships and towering finances. The yardsticks used for measuring a country's well being are the Dow and Nasdaq, not the quality of life being lived by its people.

So the world leaves us with no choice but to market ourselves as good worker bees, good parents, great lovers and loving sons and daughters. However, I don't remember the last time I had to market my ability to be a good human being; a person whose policy is "Live and let Live". I guess that would be up to the orphans, the homeless and all the charity institutions that serve the greater good. They have to pitch to me, the greedy and self indulgent common man, as to why they are in dire need of money I have saved to help me climb the selfish ladders of life. Benevolence has never been a great asset to market anyway.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that when it came to this blog, I did have a choice in not indulging in shameless self promotion. I went along with it anyway and judging by the traffic to my site, it looks like I would have to fire the salesperson for lack of skill and poise. I know what you are thinking - let me dismiss that thought right away. No, it does not have anything to do with the quality of posts. "Remember that time when you read the awesome post and said it was good? Remember?"

Let your little worries prevail...

This morning as I was sipping on my morning tea and browsing through my day-opener websites, the mental worry train started its journey. Why are my stocks dwindling? Why is the economy still plummeting? Why is my to do list getting longer? Why is life so hectic?

My wife then reminded me that we had an appointment with the doctor for our little girl. She had been getting some blue lumps on her body that kept appearing and disappearing - so we figured we should be getting some professional advice rather than just staring at those lumps and being intrigued.

While at the doctor's office, it was the doctor's expression that threw me off my emotional feet. He look puzzled and a little shaken. He then stepped outside the room to consult his colleague. His colleague came in after a while, took a look and said - "we are going to have a talk outside and will let you know what we think." As they were conferring with each other, my wife and I traded nervous looks. The doctor came back in and said - "We are going to order some blood tests, since we don't really know what it is." Now that the doctor did not have any answers, where do we go to find out? "Oh, it's going to be wait and watch game"; I thought - and it is going to be emotionally draining.

At the lab, they tried to find her vein, but in vain. With my wife waiting outside the room, I was forced to watch them pierce the needle into our three month old's arm and then search for a vein. It was like my heart being slowly cut with a butter knife. I was terribly worried, but helpless at the same time, so I stood my ground. The lab then referred us to another lab where they specialized in taking blood samples from infants. What? Couldn't you have told this before? Why does my baby have to be a statistic in your trial and error method? Those were questions in my head that never came out, given the circumstances that I was in. At the next lab, the technician went to get the blood sampling kit while I sat on a chair, holding my daughter tight and in position for the procedure. "Hey there Delilah" by the plain white T's was playing in the background, acting as a catalyst to break up my mental courage. This technician did a much better job, but he had to a drain a lot of blood for all the tests prescribed by the doctor. As the syringe came off, blood poured out into my daughter's arm, my fingers and onto my shirt. It was at that time that my tear ducts reacted to what I had been feeling all along; and a man-tear fell out my left cheek. Under different circumstances, my wife would have said - "Oh, I thought you never teared up". But today was different, I just could not handle it - my daughter was crying at the top of her voice, looking straight into my eyes and probably puzzled why I let this happen to her and I was worried what might come out of these blood tests.

We drove back and there was not a word spoken between us - I am sure our minds were still parsing through the Google results we had seen earlier - cancer forums, tumor forums and links to various types of child cancer. Around dinner time, the doctor called and said - "I got the first round of results and everything looks normal; I am so glad that it is not Leukemia that I had suspected." We had mixed emotions, but I think we felt lighter in our hearts.

The battle is only half won - we are still waiting for the second part of her blood results.

What does this teach me you ask? Well, I am happy with the small worries that I have in life and consider those a blessing now. The bigger ones, the ones that shake up my fundamental well being - I could do away with. So let your little worries prevail, since those are the thorns that support the sweet smelling, beautiful rose of a peaceful, happy and a healthy life.

Life Happens...

It was a chilly August night in the millennium that gave us the y2k scare. The weekend had just rolled in. Like clockwork, a bunch of my friends and I opened bottles of rum and coke, mixed them in varying proportions and sipped them down our throats. As the night grew older, sips turned into gulps and our subject matters morphed into worldly affairs, reason of our existence and the meaning of life.

Without further ado, let me cut into the scene of interest. A close friend of mine and I had gotten into a discussion (by this time it was more like an argument) about why software engineers like us chose to immigrate to another country. "Its the technology and the exposure", said my friend to which I asked "What exposure?". Many of our buddies had withered away from our crowd by this time and our noise echoed off my not so sound proof apartment walls.

Here's the some of the conversation as I remember it.
"Exposure to technology and a different culture!"
"BS. It's just the currency exchange rate of 43 - Everyone is here to make money, that's it; and nothing else"
"So does that mean once you make enough money or the exchange rate goes down, you will be back in India?"
"No doubt about that. I am here just for 5 years, buddy. After that, I am off no matter what making my own destiny!"

If you haven't figured out yet, I am the one in the scene with the bold decision making and "my life is already planned out" attitude. After that, the discussion went on and on and my smirks and talking down finally got to my friends head. He then uttered what I have since learned never to use in an argument. Let's pick it up from there.

"Shut Up!"
I respond - "Why should I shut up? I think I am the one with the points here."
"I said, shut up"
"Last time I checked, this was still MY apartment. I have the freedom to say whatever I want!"

Yeah. He had the same reaction you are having. Disbelief. I think it even took some alcohol out of his liver. He raced to the door, and stormed out. I did not go after him - After all, his apartment was only half a mile away, he cannot drive drunk, so I figured he would come back and we could talk things down. Shortly after, my ego and I fell asleep, unaware of the fact that he decided to walk all the way back to his apartment in the cold, without his jacket.

Now, let's not rush to demonize me. The next morning, (more like noon when I woke up) I drove up to his place, surrendered my ego (hangover too) and apologized to him. He smiled and said - hereafter we are not discussing that stuff ever again. Surprisingly, we kept that promise ever since.

Slowly, Life happened. It was like being at a railroad crossing and watching a long train go by. Life's events came and went changing us in the process. We changed jobs, changed apartments, started to build our individual lives and got busy in its betterment.

Fast forward nine years - My friend decided not to accept permanent residency in the US, so he found a job in India, and now lives there with his family I found home in the bay area, and am in the process of raising a family here. Who knew back then that we were predicting each others lives instead of our own? As my tenth year in the bay area comes up this summer, this incident always makes me think of how I have changed in life, how yesterday's priorities have become today's jokes and how the past helps me put a perspective of what the future holds. Life is indeed an amazing journey.

Oversized egos and meticulous planning about the future may bark, but it is reality that bites.

The cost of being ugly

Amidst all the fanfare of the 2008 Olympics opening ceremony, one story particularly struck me. An article about how the Olympics committee members replaced the singer for the opening ceremony with a cuter kid who ended up doing a voice over of the song(link). I thought about it for sometime and then its relevance (to the world and to me) got lost in the "race for 8" news features about Micheal Phelps.

Last weekend, I attended a birthday party with my son. As in all birthday parties for kids, there was a person dressed up as a clown to entertain the kids. Halfway through her mediocre routine (the kids would disagree with me on that one) , she messed up a magic trick. The fumble was apparent to all the grown ups, but the kids hardly noticed. She made a good comeback and fell back on track to continue her act. It was then that one of the parents standing next to me shook his head in disdain - and when he noticed that I was watching, hushed the words - "and she is not even good looking".

This was when the Olympics article sprung back to my mind. Do people have to work harder to make up for their ugliness? Have homosapiens evolved into shallow beings who don't see through a pretty face? Grownups may understand the concept of beauty and "image to the world", but what about kids? I am curious to know how they went about explaining to the little kid that they would be using her song, but not her face.

In this thought process, I went back and searched in my memory dump - How many times have I witnessed or heard of similar events? Have I ever been a victim of this? (Well, I never had a talent for anything, so I may not be included in this discussion :-)). My friends? Colleagues?. Slowly but steadily, I could recollect incidents that happened to people I knew. Decisions had been made with emphasis on good looks rather than merits. What do you think? Have you ever been through such judgment? Looking back, do you think your good appearance or lack of it have shaped some of the outcomes in your life? I agree that there are certain jobs that carries good looks as a necessity, but it is unfair to say that it should be applied to all categories in the spectrum.

Ugliness certainly is expensive in our times - think of all the money spent on creams, laser treatments, Botox and plastic surgery. And beauty most certainly is not skin deep. It is sad that all these treatments do not treat the underlying problem - lack of confidence and low self esteem. After all, who is not impressed by a confident person?

So stay confident my friends - if your mirror is not friendly to you, throw your confidence at it and grab it by its neck, I am sure it will definitely come around.

Goof off - You earned it!

The other day, I was slowly cutting through the chores of the day and knocking down the "ToDo"s one by one, when I was interrupted by an instant message from my friend's sister - "U there?". Delighted by the interruption and unusual discourse from my daily grind, I replied "yep very much here; what's up?"

She went on to say that she just wanted to talk since she was feeling sleepy and wanted to strike a conversation so she could focus back on work again. I was more than happy to oblige.

"Why are you not learning anything?"
"What?", I responded, and then added, "I am in the technology domain, I learn new things on a daily basis and I make an effort to pick up new stuff to prevent my slow slide to obscurity at work"
"No not that - like higher studies, an MBA or something similar"
"Well, I already have a masters, so I don't think I need an MBA.."
"But..but..you could do something to advance your career; look at all the time you are wasting while trying to learn guitar, play volleyball, badminton and watching TV - you could be learning something useful!"
And the conversation went on.

****

That got me thinking - All the time we spent on activities for selfish enjoyment, are we hampering our chances to advance in the corporate ladder? In other words, is life all about making it better? I think no - what is the fun in the journey when you don't have time to stop for a bit and reflect upon how far you have traveled? Shouldn't you be taking a breather exploiting the fruits of all your hard work? Sure - the million dollar mansion, that luxury car and branded clothes you wear while working hard could enhance your sense of achievement, but if you don't have time to unwind and enjoy it, is it worth having?

Countless times, we have been witness to stories where a person loses everything dear to them in the pursuit of their definition of success and achievement. "But I was working hard for all of you so you could enjoy all these worldly pleasures" goes the main character. The supporting cast promptly replies - "That maybe true, but you weren't here when we needed you".

So I say - if you can goof off without worrying about what life throws at you next and you are sure you have provided just enough for people who depend on you, you have it good. I will even say that you have earned it - payback for all the toil you put in earlier in your life. Learn an instrument you know you will be bad at, play games you have never even considered playing, keep changing channels mindlessly on your TV, scratch your genitals and get screamed at by your wife for it (this is for men, don't know what equates for women), sleep in on weekends, take your kids for trick or treating dressed up as a monster while there is a burning customer issue and spend countless hours perfecting your conspiracy theories. I guarantee you, these have lasting effects on your longevity than the alternatives. Sure enough, you will be labeled as complacent, lazy and just as a 'moderate success', but then, isn't fun always accompanied by some flak?

Or you could pursue life advancement, use up all your weekends and evenings for it, simultaneously advancing your age for enjoying the fruits of your labor. You may have a target for when you think your life is "stable enough" but mind you, it will be a moving target and will always look different when viewed through different age lenses.

As for me, I choose to make frequent stops in my fun journey, take in the view and let the breeze hit my face before moving on to what lies ahead.

****

Back to my Instant messaging exchange - we were just finishing up and she typed
"thanks a lot - you sparked something I can fuel my thoughts on"
"You are welcome"
"..and I don't feel sleepy now, good that I decided to chat with you"
"You are welcome for that too..bye"

I could bask in the glory of that praise - or I could look up online courses on how to improve communication skills, sign up for one, take up a secondary career on it, get paid more for perfecting more career advancing skills, ..., ...

No prizes for correctly guessing the path I chose.

Theme for the blog...Suggested; but good idea?

In the recent days of shameless self promotion for my blog and in the follow up conversations, I have been asked - What is the theme of your blog? I then googled on - "how to write successful blogs" and almost all the websites suggested to stick to a theme. It was then it struck me - My blog does not have a theme and I am to blame.

Imagine this - you wake up one day and decide that you will restricting your activities to a theme - Conversations, meetings, food, prayers and thoughts. Would it be possible? Yeah, I agree, tough act to perform.

Afterward, as I was channel surfing and I thought about it some more. I asked myself several questions - What would the theme for my blog be? How would I channel my thoughts in just one direction? How can I ignore the questions I ask myself about everything that happens in our world? When I came out of the conversation to my inner self, I listened to some of the "news" channels and thought - "May be I should write something about how the public air waves have been hijacked by corporations and their affiliates by contributing ad money and influencing the news." There - more proof that I cannot stick to one subject.

I think one's blog is like a garden ( apologies to the plantophobics reading this) - where you tend to and grow stuff that you like - a bonus if some of the folks walking by like it and appreciate it. Some disappointment may occur when some of them do not like it, but then you wouldn't want to force a conversation with them anyway (You don't want to get caught in a conversion defending your choice to grow white roses instead of the red ones!). The plants that you grow can only get true attention when you love to watch them grow and flourish; otherwise it is just a waiting game for approval.

To the readers, I will promise you this - I will keep the posts relatively short and straight; and about how small things make us think about stuff that is larger than us mortals. And I request that you keep your part of the deal by logging comments and being constructively critical.

Lastly, Here are some of the interesting comments I received for my posts. I have only posted the ones without praise - since they require more attention and are also funny :-)

"Sorry man - If it does not fit in one screen, I don't read it"
"I guess it is a long winded way of saying - go green"
"Feeling bored and feeling good at the same time" ( A spoof of my earlier post tile)
"Keep writing - that is the only way you will get better" (Meaning I have a lot of writing to do)
"What the heck is this dentist thing? - Why don't you write about how you picked up girls at the dance club?"

Let me answer the last question through the words of one of my favorite stand up comedian Lavelle Crawford - "I appreciate the fact that you think I can knock down a couple of girls at the dance club, but don't you think I would want to keep that experience private?"

Happy reading!

If you can't beat 'em, acquire 'em

As Goliath was carrying on his "business as usual" in the valley, he saw David and his small team of supporters coming up in the horizon. David had his game face on and had the famous 'slingshot' armed. They gazed furiously at each other, replaying their attack plans in their heads and calming their nerves in preparation for the forthcoming confrontation.

***

As I settled in my seat at the office, I sensed a tickle in my brain. It was my instinct telling me that something wasn't right. There was a bag of bagels left at our project room table (Almost always, they are left overs from a failed attempt of the executives to please clients). Turns out, it was just a start - then came three visits from three top people in our company - all beginning with the same question; "How are you guys doing?". They were all dressed to impress and some of them had flown cross country to be here. That did it - I was now 'officially' freaked out.

***

As Goliath was about to scream and run at his opponent, a wise man grabbed his hand and said to him - "I would like to have a word with you". David watched carefully as Goliath leaned down and patiently listened to the wise man. As if he had gained some wisdom of his own, Goliath nodded his head in agreement and a smile dawned on his face.

***

The next day at the office was just as confusing - there were unforeseen preparations for our all hands meeting. Our accountant came by and said - "Guys, I have been to hell and back". She did not look too happy, so I had to assume that her trip to hell did not go well. Then it was deja vu - executives came by asking "How are you guys doing?" Email threads went out asking for suggestions for the food at the all hands meeting. (To be honest, I think the name "All Hands Meeting" is derived from "All the Hands" gulping down free food. Seriously, that is the only part were all hands are involved.) One of my colleagues suggested Kabobs and that stuck. Towards noon(the all hands meeting was scheduled to happen at noon), tensions were rising and I did not know what was my number one priority - feeding my hunger or quenching my thirst for definitive answers.

***

Goliath collected his thoughts for a while and then talked to a couple more people in his army. All shook their heads in agreement and then Goliath slowly walked towards David. David stood his ground, never doubting his strength for a moment, still aiming his slingshot at Goliath. David's supporters were not as strong as David - their knees shivered and heads drooped down as they waited for the inevitable arrival of Goliath.

***

At the all hands meeting, we were finally informed of what had been brewing. Our company had been acquired. Another company of giant proportions was "excited" about our products and thought we were all "experts" at what we did - so they bought us. Fate always finds ways to amuse itself. As we were eating the kabobs, we were also told that there was one casualty in the process - my colleague who had suggested kabobs for lunch. As a good gesture, he was invited back to have the kabobs( I suspect guilt had something to do with it). It was then that I saw the perfect mating of socialism and capitalism - the 'corporation' and the 'person' understanding the forces at work behind all this (one doing a much better job than the other. No prices for guessing the right answer though). We all came back to our offices dazed and confused even though the corporate textbook on how to be a successful human being says "A stable job and a big company are must ingredients for happiness". History has the advantage of hindsight, so I guess I will have to judge the textbook in the future.

***

David was taken aback when Goliath hugged him and shouted - "Congratulations!" He then shook David's hand and continued - "We are one team now. We tried to build the slingshot and failed, so let us work together to make your slingshot better." David was confused since he did not know whether he had beaten his enemy or his enemy had beaten him. All of his "go to men" were cheering and so were Goliaths'; so he figured it must be a win-win situation. When his moment of confusion passed, he suddenly realized that he no longer had his slingshot. Goliath's supporters had taken it and were already discussing plans to make it meaner, more appealing to the masses and how to retrofit it to their armoury specifications.

***

With smarter corporations and the ever blurring definition of "success", it is time to rewrite the most popular underdog story of our times.

My friends, it has been a pleasure to present to you, David Vs. Goliath 2.0.

How important is honest feedback?

He stood there, waiting for his mom to come home from work, holding a copy of his school magazine. His article had been published and he couldn't wait to show it to his mom. He had his finger as a bookmark at the page on which his story was printed. It was about a boy named "Raju", who did a good deed but met with bad consequences (This was the boy's idea of a surprising twist!). When his mom finally arrived, he ran to her and shouted out - "My story got printed, all my friends said it was great; look, look!". His mom took the book and then started reading it on her way into the house. She sat down on the sofa, let out a big heavy sigh when she was done reading and said "It is just OK; I don't know why your friends liked it so much though". It was then she saw the disappointment on her son's face, so she added - "I like the fact that you tried; And why does it have a different name as the author if you wrote it?"

"That is my pen name" - I said.

I was reminded of this incident when my son ran up to me and asked "Dad, look at what I drew, do you like it?". The look on his eyes said it all - He was proud of his work and he was expecting me to say "great job, wonderful". As a loving parent, what is the best way to handle such a situation? What if I did not like the drawing? Should I be a Simon Cowell or Paula Abdul in judging? (For those of you who do not know Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul or American Idol, planet earth sends her greetings and says she would like to have you back). I think dishing honest feedback about my story was one of the greatest favors my mom did to me. Being an avid reader, she instantly recognized that I was not cut out to be a writer and my material was mediocre at best. If I had listened to the glossy feedback of my friends, I would still be a struggling writer (not that I don't have struggles at what I do now), instead of having a career where I have someone pay me for the work I love to do. When is a good time to let your kids know that their talent is somewhere else; not where they think it is? Are you being fair to them by saying it is great work when its not that great and then they discover it for themselves when they are out in the real world? (thus having a more intense heartbreak). Or do you just hope that they would keep working at it until finally they are really good at it? I am constantly dogged with these questions every time I get asked "Dad, did you see how fast I ran?" or "Did you see the amazing tricks I just did?". Coming back to my son's drawing, I took the middle ground (a little bit of Simon and a little bit of Paula) and said - "I like it, but see here - these are some of the things you may need to work on". Yeah, I know what you are thinking, I did take the easy way out.

Every kid has talents and I think it is our obligation as a parent to help them identify the talent they are best at, and may be it comes with a cost of seeing them disappointed at times. I also think every kid is different and will react differently to same response. However, I do believe that the power of honest feedback should not be underestimated; who knows - it might influence his/her decision when they arrive at important crossroads in their life.

The other day my son, who is now four and a half, was reading a story book with me and he read the word "captivating"- just like that. Almost immediately, I said "great job, very nicely done" and I was being Simon Cowell; both at the same time. Folks, I think I have a clue on where his talent is going to be.

While at the dentist...

"Is it paining Sunil? "

As I lay flat on the dentist's seat with my mouth wide open and a wide tissue paper ( I am sure it has another proper name in dentist science) hung around my neck like an ornament, I shook my head in an effort to say "No, not at all". A small smile appeared on the dentist's face. I knew I was faking it - my hands were clutched together and the sweat glands on my palms were hard at work; my ankles were kissing each other and my heart was beating so strong that the dental instruments placed on my chest were jumping up and down.(The last part was exaggerated, but you get the point). I looked up at the Styrofoam roof (it's not like you've got many other options to lock in your gaze while you are at the mercy of your dentist), and it seemed as if the song coming from the speakers was a message from up above. It was the song from Police - "Every smile you fake, I will be watching you.."

And then, all of a sudden, I felt the feeling of calm. The pain killer had taken effect. I closed my eyes and thought - "How could I be such a hypocrite? I just denied having pain to a doctor who expects not to be lied to; someone who is working hard for my best health interests (hopefully). And that's when it got me thinking - maybe, just maybe, I picked up the trait from my home state of Kerala.

Before you throw up your arms in revolt, allow me to explain what prompted me to think so. Kerala has the highest literacy rate in the country (of India, stupid!), has the highest life expectancy, lowest birth rate and lowest infant mortality. Don't take my word for it, look it up here. So why is it that Kerala is dogged with high unemployment, lack of skilled workers and an undying urge of its native population to get out of the state? Kerala is known as the "middle east" of India to people of other states - in other words, thats where you go to make money. Still, there's an undying opinion of "ee naadu nannavilla" (translation: this state will not get better) from malayalis. Kerala movie audiences reject any sexual innuendo in malayalam movies, but flock to movies of other languages that have the same in abundance. While hard work and exemplary behavior are strictly out of bounds for them within the state borders, those are the same qualities that they use to make themselves extraordinary citizens outside their state. In a tourism perspective, it is "God's own country", but the devil is hard at work slowly eating out all the natural beauty of it from within. Is there really a kerala model that's playing out here?

Although all of the above assertions are generalized, I believe that generalizing the characterisitics of a state and its natives is not much of a far fetched idea. There is some truth to it and yes, there is also a lot of room for debate.

"Ok, I think the root canal is done - your numbness will come off in a bit. Hopefully it was not too painful", the doctor said, smiling. I did not waste time in gesturing that I did not even feel a thing - true in this case since I was engaged in an engaging thought process (in case you asked, yes, I do put myself in a pedestal once in a while)! Slowly, my pain killer started to wear off and so was my ability to think about stuff that does not affect my daily life. Maybe I should visit the dentist more often to get the creative brain juice flowing :-)

Aah, the pain killer is all gone now. Hello there - my native, naive self.