"I got a phone call from India," he said in that call. "My Dad passed away". As he went on with more details, my brain was already processing fond memories of his dad - a very funny, intelligent and compassionate man who also happened to be a doctor. The news sank into my heart instantly - bringing out emotions that I never thought I had in the first place. With each passing minute, the news was digging deep into me; generating a whole bunch of questions - how could this happen? How would it impact my friend, his sister and mom? Had they already found out about this? How did they react?
I lost my father at a very young age, so I knew how the loss of a father figure could affect a person's mentality. It is not just the loss of a person - it is the loss of a friend, a support system and most importantly, a brutally honest critic. All of this cocoons into something that makes you want to be a better person all your life.
As I entered my friend's apartment and hugged him, I completely lost it. I was in tears and and held him tight, looking to console him out of his sorrow(as if that was possible). He then patted on my back and said, "It's ok, It's ok". It was then I realized something - the news had not struck him yet; he was still in no man's land, coming to terms with what had happened. There were no tears, just a blank look which, to an outsider, would give an impression that he had everything under control. But I had known my friend for sometime now and I knew that there was a void that was created which could only be filled in by accepting the dreadful fact of his loss.
After making arrangements for his trip to India, some of my other friends and I saw him off at the airport that night. This was before 9/11, so we could go all the way up to the gate. We rehashed some memories of the man, there were complaints about the long flight and a few laughs out of my friend. I thought to myself - "Ok, he still has not grappled with the news yet, but maybe the 18 hours of flight will do it".
It has been 10 years since then, and I have to say that not only did the news sink in for him, but it has been with them since then. I get a sense of it from the conversations that I have with him, the blog posts that he writes and the off hand impromptu remark that comes out of him.
Which brings me back to the post's title (it's about time) - when it comes to your heart is it a lake or a marsh? When news comes your way in the shape of a black stone, what does your heart morph into? A lake in which the stone sinks fast, but can be easily taken out by undercurrents? or a marsh where in the stone sinks slowly, making marks along its way and hard to move around? Or a mix of both?
Let us hope that whatever shape our hearts take, it never gets a bad news stone thrown at it. I know life is not full of happiness, so if something has to be thrown at it, may it be pebbles - that skip until it crosses the lake, and are so light that they could never sink into the marsh.
Image courtesy :www.myspaceantics.com
6 comments:
I think a bit of both.
When my father died, I was busy figuring.
I had to ensure my mother and sister didn't break down.
Had to agree / disagree with the elders of the family on details pertaining to the funeral.
Had to send someone to organise the tombstone.
Had to ensure that my mother's wheezing was brought under control.
Organize death certificate.
Organize funeral.
Nod at every condolence.
Answer calls.
When I finally sat down to the realisation that my father was gone, it was all over and the house was empty.
Thanks for popping in at perumalythoma, by the way. And I like Malayalam At Home. No posts?
Very touching ! The loss of a parent will never ever be easy whatever the circumstance. There is going to be a tussle between the practical and the emotional levels, initially. So I would also think a bit of both.
Time always heals, we should let it do its trick, thus keeping the good memories and letting go of the bad ones...so in that respect, I would like to think my heart is a lake...
The bro & sis were discussing the very same thing a few days back ......... even to-date ... soda maker is one of the fav taglines for the mom ... :)
@perumalythoma - Well written and striking. Thanks for dropping by. Malayalam @ Home is a project at work. will update once it materializes.
@Jay - Truly spoken.
@UL - Happy boating on the lake UL!
@Laks - Yes, the soda maker line is my fav too. Chandelier comes next!. (Ask NC if you don't know!)
great post man ... great one.
particularly lake/marsh analogy, and "brutally honest critic" were v nicely put.
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