Really Geico? So That is your definition of a Caveman?

Well, you all know the Spiel. Geico airs the ad showing that getting auto insurance from Geico is so easy that even a caveman can do it. It is such a hit, their next series of ads show cavemen getting all offended about how they are portrayed on TV.

Funny. Cute. Intelligent.And Geico gains a lot of customers.

 But not me, Geico, not me. I knowingly refuse to submit to your innovative and humorous ads. Want to know why? Well, it is simple really - look at your depiction of a caveman and then travel around the world. It's that easy.

Still not getting it? Ok, let me explain. What is your definition of a caveman? An ordinary bloke, probably with a decent job and a happy life, living in the modern world with just a minor, off putting  detail. And what is it that makes him a caveman? Hair, and lots of it. Let me tell you something - there are parts of the world where there are men who do have lots of hair - not just on the head, on their bodies and face. Mostly they are of Arabic or South Asian descent. I happen to be the in latter category.

When I grew up, chest hair used to be the sign of a real man. As a teenager, I watched each hair follicle grow into a sign of manhood like a gardener watching his garden flourish. I couldn't wait until I could flaunt it all and woo all the beautiful girls waiting to get a glimpse of it. That is, until "Nair for Men" and  "Six pack Abs" became the new normal. So as things would turn out, I missed the train by a couple of years  and that slight shift in trend morphed my fountain of youth into a malfunctioning shower head. Thanks, fashion trends, and good riddance.

So now I am in my late thirties, wearing turtle necks in the sweltering summer (that's right - its like the border fence trying to block all the illegal aliens - in this case, the body hair trying to catch a glimpse of sunlight)  and out you come with this ad to remind me that I am not evolved much from the ape and that I am as close to a caveman that you can get.

No GEICO, I will not sell my dignity even if that means I get 15% or more off of my car insurance by spending 15 minutes.NO WAY.

For 20%, I am willing to talk.

Picture Courtesy: http://pinstripebindi.wordpress.com

Acceptance Speech

Then we kissed. Lips, tongue, saliva and all.

I reveled in the moment, then let go of the presenter and moved closer to the microphone. "Ah, thank you all, thank you! I never thought I would win. Really!. Thanks to all of the other entries that were not as funny as mine. I am truly humbled - and oh let me not forget I would also like to thank all the little people."

You may be asking - "What baloney? You won something? Impossible!" to which my reply is "Yes, I did win something, but the description above is just a fabric of my imagination :)". Yes, I would have loved to have a stage and an audience and a podium for my acceptance stage, but for this time I had to do with a winner email.

What did I win? How did I win it? You will find all the answers here -

http://www.crunchgear.com/2010/04/19/celebrate-ooma-purevoice-with-a-free-ooma-telo-handset-and-1-year-of-service/comment-page-3/#comments

Finally my wife agreed that being a pervert (or at least having perverted thoughts) pays - and you get paid in voip phone sets and minutes. Well, may be my love of voluptuous women helped too (you have to agree that Salma Hayek is as good as they come; and no, agreeing doesn't make you a pervert!)

And about calling Salma - I am working on first steps - losing about 100 lbs to look like I am starved. Without a global famine and drought, I don't see that happening. Meanwhile, I will appreciate tips on setting up a Voip phone.

See you next awards season!

Image courtesy : www.theonering.net/scrapbook/view/6856

My parting gift and suggestions to Mr. Raju!

Irony's a bitch.

That's because it has the habit of biting one's butt when you least expect it.
At least that is what is going through Mr. Ramalinga Raju's (former embezzler CEO of Satyam) mind as he sits in his jail cell, perusing through magazines and waiting on the next installment of questions from the CID (Criminal Investigation Department). How do you know, you ask? Well, I know from the totally fictitious conversation I had with him this Sunday when I was dozing off on my (ever so embracing) couch. Curious? Here's the instant message exchange in its entirety.

sunilscribbles: Hey there Raju!
jailnotgr8: Careful there boy, you better call me Sir..I have hired tens of thousands of mere software engineers like you! Don't ever forget that we are in 2 different classes of society.
sunilscribbles: right sir, but I pay taxes that help law enforcement to put tens of thousands of law breakers like you behind bars...
jailnotgr8: hmm..you may have a point there, Sudheer.
sunilscribbles: My name is Sunil, not Sudheer.
jailnotgr8: Whatever - you desi software engineers are all the same.
sunilscribbles: nice nickname, by the way...totally captures your mood.
jailnotgr8: my cellmate recommended it, I think its great too. OK, so what did you want to talk about?
sunilscribbles: About the whole Satyam fiasco, I guess...
jailnotgr8: I have told it a million times already - Started out as a small overstatement, then it just grew as if it was on steroids, I had no choice, really.
sunilscribbles: What bull! Everyone has a choice. You sound like the mafia don who started out by stealing a loaf of bread; then at a later stage of life blames the society and says he had no choice. Come on Mr. Raju, people have more brains that that...
jailnotgr8: Oh you think so, Mr. Custodian of righteousness? Haven't you seen all the good coverage I am getting? I am still the hero of my village. Besides, just because the World Bank grew a conscience out of guilt does not make me or Satyam particularly bad.
sunilscribbles: Riiiight, I am sure the $1 Billion overstated profit has nothing to do with it.
jailnotgr8: I see. I have a question - Do you mix this sarcasm in your code too? Does your manager know about it?
sunilscribbles: Good one! Let's not go off topic. Listen - any qualms in naming your company "Satyam" - The Sanskrit word for truth?
jailnotgr8: Irony's a bitch. What more can I say? You live in the US, right? You accept that "24 hour fitness" is just a name, not their work ethic; many of their locations are not open for 24 hours a day - so why blame Satyam alone?
sunilscribbles: huh? I see you are repeating your overstatement in analogies too. So how is the interrogation going? I read that the CID grilled you - is that true?
jailnotgr8: far from it! They have the utmost respect for me. They think I am the next Charles Shobhraj! In fact, one of the officer's son will complete his MBA next year; so in exchange for some favors from him, I will be trying to pull some of my contacts to get that kid a good job!
sunilscribbles: That's not fair - How dare they?
jailnotgr8: From all your frustration, I guess you lost some money in Satyam stock? How much did you lose in Nasdaq?
sunilscribbles: I don't want to get into specifics, but enough to buy a used Honda civic. I sure hope you enjoy that car when you get out of jail after 10 years.
jailnotgr8: LOL! You crack me up susheel - that's great wishful thinking. If you mean retirement, then sure, I am thinking about in the next 10 years. In fact, I am discussing that with my jailmate, Kosaraju Venkateshwara Rao.
sunilscribbles: My name is not..(sigh) Anyway, is this the same guy who allegedly duped depositors of nearly Rs 32 crore (Rs 320 million) and fled to Bangkok?
jailnotgr8: Spot on! I am finding more like minded people here than on that god forsaken Satyam Board!
sunilscribbles: How come they allow use of Instant messaging to such evil minded criminals?
jailnotgr8: They don't, you fool! This is totally a made up convo- remember?
sunilscribbles: oh, right - In that case, enjoy my used Honda civic Mr. Raju, and do stick the logo that I have put up above - it reads "asatyam", the complete opposite of "satyam". May I also recommend reading "My experiments with Truth" by Gandhiji while you are killing time in your cell? Who knows, you may even make money by writing a second part - "My experiments ( the other kind) with Satyam" since sequels are all the rage now a days.
jailnotgr8: haaaa haa haa (make no mistake - I am mocking you!). After some years, I will be back strutting my heels on the floors of high society and you will still be a common man trying to make ends meet. So there you go, I have the last laugh - Deal with it.
sunilscribbles has logged off.
jailnotgr8: I knew it! He could never handle reality - What a loser!

"Honey! Are you still on the couch? Could you get me a diaper for the baby? And make it quick".

Oops! The previous line was not from my instant messaging encounter, but a small dose of "wakeup" juice to reality.