Can you decide on exactly what you want?

"I want that Red Hot wheels car with yellow wheels and red Hot Rod written on it" said my son, pointing to the exact model of the toy car he wanted from a sea of Hot Wheels cars.   I looked at all of them and couldn't tell many models from others. The immediate afterthought that came to my mind was "how come he can tell exactly what he wants from the sea of choices?". This time I turned the tables on him and asked "why"? Who knew in a couple of seconds I would regret asking that  - he started explaining in detail on why the color choices were those and what that model could do tat others can't and..well, you get the point.

I know what you are thinking - he is just a kid, he doesn't have to think of any consequences or repercussions of his choice. Which does mean that all of us had the same skill when we were children. We always knew what we wanted, what we craved for.  What we never had in our minds were questions like "Is it too much to ask for?", "I just got a toy last week, so maybe I shouldn't ask for one this week", or "Does my dad love me enough to even consider buying this toy?" or even "Is it realistic for me to think I will get this toy". We just knew what we wanted and we asked for it, come hell or highway.

Now somewhere along the way of growing up into overly concerned adults, we lost that uncanny ability. Even if we get to the point of knowing what we want, we never seem to cross the hurdle of a million questions to ask ourselves before expressing the need for it. Why do we constrain our needs with doubts like those? When we think of something we want, do we really need to muddle it by asking a bunch of reality based questions? Won't it blur the picture of what our exact need or specific need is?

After giving it some thought, I think we should not muddy the waters of what we are looking for. This way, we can get to what we want faster. And trust me, it will be the thing you actually want - Not something that looks like it, or something you could do with for the time being, or something you can live with or settle for. It will be exactly.what.you.want.

Ok, so now you get the picture of what you want - it maybe a raise, a promotion, a proposal, a relationship or a car or bike that you have been craving for.  So now, what is preventing you from asking for it  - may it be from yourself, your significant other, your boss or your mom( though if it is your mom you need to ask, then maybe there are other things you need in life :)) Are you sure that your object of desire has not been compromised by your other thoughts of whether it is attainable or not? Granted, no man is an island (and most definitely, men in a committed relationship never are ) but then expressing your exact, specific need and stating the reason for it can yield surprising results. Maybe it is a slap on the face or maybe a pat on the back or a kiss on the cheek. And if the result was among the last two, you are almost guaranteed that you will get what you want.

So a summary of the post you ask? None whatsoever - the whole point I was trying to make - dont let your needs be a summary; instead make them specific bullet points; ones that others will be compelled to read in full and understand it with the premise, so you can get what you want without them cutting you short of what you need.

Now onto focusing on how I can get my son to ask for less expensive toys.

Games parents play

"Dad, can you change my name when I am a little older?" As I took my eyes off the road and looked at the rear view mirror, I could see my son's eyes squint a little in an effort to hide his embarrassment. He was sitting in the rear seat and he shrugged soon after he finished up his question. We had named our son Jacob (after my dad) and it was an anglicized name - I have heard of other Indian kids complain about their names sounding too Indian and hard to pronounce, but Jacob - no, that is not a name to complain about. I laid my eyes on the road again for a bit and then turned back and asked - "Why do you want to change your name, Jacob?". "I don't know", came the reply - " just because."

Soon, I was at a traffic light that turned red - so I stepped on the brake, turned around and continued my conversation. "There must be some reason- If it is a valid one, we can think of changing your name", I said. I knew in my heart that it was a lie, but a dad's gotta do what he has to do to get his son spill the beans on what is really going on.

"Well, a kid in my class calls me Jacobi to make it sound like I am a small kid". I could sense the sadness in his voice. "And I don't want to be a small kid". "Hmm.." I thought to myself - "If what I said earlier were true, this would be a good reason to change his name - since his feelings got hurt."

"Well Jacob, you have to tell him that it Jacobi is not your name and that you don't like being called that name."

"I told him that - like two hundred times; but he said he doesn't care and calls me Jacobi anyway." At that point I knew that he had really tried hard to resolve the situation - because two hundred is his largest number - anything unimaginably huge is two hundred for him.

"Oh..OK", I mumbled, which was my place holder response in lieu of a clear answer or resolution.

I had to turn my attention to the road again as the car behind me started honking. By the way, is it just me or does the red light always change to green when you really want it to stay red for a bit longer? Sorry, back to the point of discussion.

I started thinking about how this muddy situation could be cleared. "What is the name of the that kid?" I asked. "Mark (name changed)" came the reply.

I gave it more thought. "Ok, heres what you do Jacob - Call him markee and say that he looks like a small kid and sounds like one too. If he gets angry, let him know that you will stop once he stops calling you Jacobi and that's how the deal works. Got it?"

"YES! - that is a good idea!" I could see the appreciation and happiness that glittered in his eyes. He was happy that his dad had helped him solve a problem that was nagging him for a couple of days. After all, it was only the third day of school this year.

And then I thought some more. "What if Mark does not get annoyed? What if Mark's dad counters this with another strategy? This is getting interesting. I don't even know Mark's dad, but I am eagerly awaiting his next move. Wow, this is like playing a strategy game without spending the money to buy it. What if this is wrong? Shouldn't I be telling him to lay low and be diplomatic whenever he can? Wait, the real world is not going to be soft and politically correct and diplomatic all the time, so this could be an early training package for him - on how real life is going to be. Besides, he tried the diplomatic route already."

That night, he gave me the privilege of reading him a book. Usually that spot was reserved for my wife. I was elated that he had already found a friend in me. "Yes, this is a team game", I thought to myself. "Bring it on; Mark's dad! Put your game face on! May the parent with the best wits win."