Suggested replies for questions asked to a Desi!

Some suggestions from me on tackling questions usually asked to a Desi. They are original, so I take responsibility for any(or all) of them not being funny!

Oh, you are from India; Do you speak Indian?
Yes, I am speaking it right now. Its just the same as "american" but with a little accent sprinkled on it for flavor. You know how we Indians don't like anything that lacks flavor.
Why do Indians and Pakistanis hate each other so much?
It's simple really; it is a part of our budget friendly immigration policy. That way, we don't have to spend money on big walls to keep out illegal immigrants.
I can never understand the concept of an arranged marriage; Can you explain it to me?
Sure; its not so hard. You know how you guys find your "soul mate" and then get the assistance of a wedding planner to arrange everything else? Arranged marriage just works the other way. Our parents arrange our "soul mate" and the we arrange everything else for the wedding. Trust me, my parents have a bigger network than matchmaker.com and eharmony.com combined!
Are you dark skinned because you are from south India?
No. Every time a person who is ignorant about world culture asks me a question, my skin becomes a shade darker.
What is the status of your green card? How far along is it?
Since you seem to be so concerned, here's the URL to the INS status page.<>. Please let me know when my green card is in the mail; thanks.
Why do Hindus have so many gods?Well, as you know India is a socialist country. We believe in equal distribution of workload. I think just asking one or two gods to take care of prayers from millions of people is overkill.
Isn't eating with hands unhygienic?
No, because I know all the places my hands have been through; the forks and spoons - not so much. Havent you seen those shows that feature hidden cameras in restaurants? yuck!
How come you have such a long name?
Perhaps my parents worked harder to come up with a name that is meaningful and uncommon than simply settling for "Bob".

(Dear reader- Add your questions and answers in the comments and I will add it in the list.)