It's all Relative!

"All this began after we moved into this god forsaken house", he shouted as he slammed the door behind him. "So now you are blaming our son's illness on the house too?" She responded with the highest pitch she could manage though she knew he wouldn't hear it.

As she sat down next to her bedridden son, she broke down to tears, covering her face and hushing her voice so her son would not wake up. She was always the ambitious one in the family - dreaming higher, getting the man of her dreams, then pursuing him to buy the house of her dreams and finally pursuing a career of her dreams. Then as fate would have it, things broke down soon after her son fell terminally ill. She started to question all her decisions in life and asking herself - "What is the point in all of this? Why am I so overworked to get to my reserved place in society?" As she pondered over life's bigger questions, she gazed out the window and saw a woman with two kids outside the gate looking at her house.

"Mom, I want a house like that. Then  Kayla and I could have birthday parties and we could play in the backyard and also have our friends over!". "I wish I had a house like that", said Kayla.  "Well, I wish we had a house like that too kids, but with your dad being laid off and mom not being able to get a promotion, we will have to be satisfied with the apartment we have. Well, I guess we will never be lucky as the people who live in this house. OK, let's go to the park." "Yay", the kids said in unison and ran across the street to get to the park.

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS. Have you put your problems into perspective lately?


Image courtesy : http://www.hypebeast.com

Inspiration is a chain reaction

It is a universally known fact that money is always tight for a college student. (Well, at least for the majority of us). During my college days, things were no different. For the purposes of full disclosure, I have to add that my mom did send me money, but when you add the Total Cost of Living (including costs of booze, other guilty pleasures etc.), the liabilities easily outweigh assets.

It was at one of those dinners with a shoe string budget that I bore witness to a random act which would have a profound impact later in my life (though I did not realize it at the time).  It was a warm night in Chennai (Madras at the time) and I was heading for dinner towards a street stand close to where we lived. During the short walk, I was carefully calculating the amount of food I could have for the meager amount of money I was carrying with me (And all of you wonder how Asians end up better at Math!). By the time I reached there, I had a pretty good idea of what and how much I will be ordering. While I was munching down my share of street delicacies, I saw a man (who had more than his share of alcohol) walking up to the person next to me. The person next to me definitely looked like he had a job (since he had a motorcycle and was dressed decently) and was sitting on his motorcycle and slowly chowing down his dinner. The drunk then asked him  - "Can I have some money so I can eat something? I am starved!". The other man seemed to be repulsed by the smell and demeanor and quickly moved backwards, then shook his head, gesturing a firm 'No'. The street vendor shouted - "Get the hell out; don't disturb my customers!". The drunk clearly knew a "No" when he saw it as he walked away slowly and sat down on the pavement a couple of meters away from me.His head hung low, either from shame or more likely, from the effects the alcohol had on his brain.

Like a wave washing away scriptures on sand, I could see that the man on the motorcycle being overpowered by a wave of sympathy and regret washing away his earlier feelings of repulsion. He turned to the drunk and said - "Ok, come and get whatever you want to eat; I will take care of the bill!". He must have known that I was watching all of this, so he quickly turned to me and said, "I know if I give him money he will spend it on booze, this way he will at least eat to ward off his hangover."

The gesture had an impact on me enough that I stopped eating and nodded my head in agreement. I also managed a smile in between all the other thoughts that were in my head. But later on in life, this inspired me to make giving a part of my life and whenever I did that I also made sure that it went to the source rather than an agency or upfront admin - of course, it means more work, but also much more rewarding.

So the next time you get a chance, indulge in a random act of kindness. You never know who you might inspire and how much of a chain reaction that triggers.

Image courtesy : www.clamlynch.com/blog/2005/06/

Pause. Reflect. Play.

She quietly opened the door so the noise would not waker her parents and brothers. She then put down her heavy backpack on the living room floor and  tiptoed her way into the sink. She washed her face to remove all the dirt and black stuff that had found its way from the factory floor. It was after a cold shower that she realized she was starving. She never had enough time to eat properly at work. Her parents could not afford to get enough to feed all their kids, so she always ended up with leftovers. After getting her hands on what little food she could get, she sat down and gently massaged her feet which was aching from all that walking at the assembly line. After a while, as she slowly slipped into her bed, she thought to herself - "My manager did seem impressed with my ideas to improve productivity. Hopefully that promotion should come through". She fell asleep knowing that the prospects of her ambition - becoming the VP of her company - were getting better each day.
-=-=-=-=-
Quietly, she opened the door to the kitchen from the garage and cursed as it made a loud squeaking noise. She hoped that the sound had not  woken up her husband and kids. She put down her heavy briefcase on the granite kitchen counter top and tip toed her way to the sink. She quickly washed off all the heavy makeup that seemed to suffocate her pores all day. She was never a fan of too much makeup, but in her corporate world of meetings and high profile clients, she always had to present her best face forward. It was then that hunger pangs struck her, and she proceeded to see what was left over in the fridge. There was plenty of food in the fridge, but her diet only allowed her to snack on the leftover salad. After a short while, she found herself  immersed in her high-end spa, gently massaging her feet to relieve them from the constant harassment they received from her high heeled shoes. She then sipped her favorite red wine and thought to herself - "The board of directors seemed pleased with my plan of growing exponentially through acquisitions - maybe my ambition of becoming CEO is not that far away. After all, there's only a couple of steps from VP to CEO."
-=-=-=-=-

OK, so I am not much of a storyteller, but more often than not in life, the begin and end points of our ambition feels the same - it is the journey to achieve it that gives the kicks. So when you are fast forwarding through life and everything feels automated and mechanical, press pause, take a deep breath, reflect on what you have achieved, enjoy it to the fullest and then proceed to play the rest. Just sayin'.

Image Courtesy : http://trcs.wikispaces.com/Analysis+of+Poems?f=print

Hail to the curves!

If you enjoy driving, would you have more fun driving a road with curves or a straight road? I thought so too.Yeah, as said before - "Straight roads are for fast cars, but curvy roads are for fast drivers".

But this post is not about roads. Or cars. Or cars on curvy roads. This is my official outrage post on the obsession that the media and the fashion industry have with sticky thin women. Where are the curves? The biggest moneymaker tag line for ads these days is "Lose Weight". The corporations are arming us up with shoes, equipment, motivation and even yogurt to fight the fat. Now I am not losing sight of the obesity epidemic we have in this country. I realize that if I keep up my current eating and drinking habits, I will be part of it. But what is wrong with healthy, curvaceous figures? Why would someone lose their chiseled curves (and working hard at it, mind you) to achieve a straight line with no details attached to it? Aren't humans supposed to be the most evolved of all species? If so, I am sure the curves have evolved as evidence of nature's belief that these will indeed guarantee the survival of the human race. At this pace, the ramps of fashion shows may as well be built by cardboard in a couple of years.

When I turn on the news, the news anchor has her cheekbones  and collarbones protruding out of the TV, screaming for attention. So instead of thinking "what's up with the world?", I am thinking "why won't somebody feed this woman?". When I was on the verge of entering my teen years, I would sneak out to watch hollywood movies to watch the lovemaking scenes which were not present in Indian movies. Now that I can go to one these movies or rent it on my own free will (or to be more clear, whenever my wife lets me), I cannot tell the difference between the guy and the girl (To the couple of naughty readers, no, I wasn't watching "Brokeback Mountain").

The next time you walk around, pinch yourself whenever you see or hear "low fat" or "no fat" - I bet you cannot play that game long enough to get you through your day. There is a mad rush to get to size "zero", but sadly, when people reach that size, they look more like a "one". So all you models and movie stars wondering why your partner left you for a more "real" woman, there lies the real answer. (Ok, Ok I do realize that not many models or movie stars read my blog - but I am just sayin').

Yes, I like my car with a stick shift, my rice with gravy and my women, curvy. (I know it sounds too cheesy, but it rhymed so well I could not let go of it). I am married, so I am not on the lookout for more women - but you get the point. Really, I am not (Honey, you should be reading this). And I apologize to folks who saw a ray of hope.

So here's to hoping that curvy models will make a comeback and we will see more healthy people in our day to day life. The day is not far off - it is the same day we will be receiving Universal Health Care.( Ha Ha)

P.S - Take a look at this  - "Bald model opens Fashion Show". Now that they have got rid of the fat, they are coming after your hair. Run!

Who appointed you the leader...

of this moral outfit?

Yes, I am talking to you - the CEO of big corp who was once an entrepreneur, took advantage of all the facilities a middle class society provided and now wants the middle class eliminated.

Yes, I am talking to you - the priest who talks about what the lord commanded us to do, works towards elimination of women's choice, vehemently supports the preservation of  'the sanctity of marriage' and then molests boys behind the walls of a closed confession box.

Yes, I am talking to you - the married couple who say they are too busy to have kids, claim that they are not mature enough to raise kids and then lecture others on how to properly raise their kids.

Yes, I am talking to you - the mullah who swears by the Koran, preach brotherly love and then brainwash kids to strap explosives around them and fight infidels so you can have your moral orgasm.

Yes - I am talking to you - the elected representative who puts on a 'friendly face' mask while you plead for votes, promise the people their unfettered dedication and love, and then go to bed with special interests and their lobbying prostitutes.

Yes, I am talking to you - the Hindu pujari who supposedly embodies negation of worldly pleasures, is a servant of the gods, but refuses to touch a devotee because he/she is from a lower caste.

Yes, I am talking to you - the political and financial pundit who is a know it all and is an 'enabler' of the common man, but try to push your own agenda through scare tactics and other worldly intimidation.

And finally, I am talking to you - the person in the mirror, who set out to lead a good life, provide for you and your family and do some good deeds along the way, but ended up selling up a piece of your soul to be a "team player" for humanity so that you can be a "normal" and "successful" specimen of the homosapien species.

You may be a leader of hypocrisy, but a leader of me - you are not. I know that there is next to no chance of this happening, but I am going to keep hoping that our paths do not cross.

End Rant.

What will you do with your platform?

A couple of weekends ago, I was in a cabin at south lake tahoe with my friends. On one of those colorful evenings, we all sat down around the snooker table, and started our usual "song fest" - everyone pitching in with their vocal chords and one of our friends on the Tabla. We were having loads of fun for a long time, but unfortunately, the gathering had to end on a sour note (literally!)

Why, you ask? No, it was neither public drunkenness nor egoistic conflicts that caused it, but the mere wish of the tabla player to hear one of his favorite songs. The rest of the crowd had heard enough of that song, and they did not want a piece of it anymore. No, it never got to a point where an argument broke out or shouting was heard, but the session quickly ended and the tabla went under wraps. Now, I always tilt in the favor of a talented artist, so I am going to side with the tabla player. I know it is hard to please an audience, but once a person has established talent, isn't it fair game for that person to expect some respect from his/her audience?

*********************

Arundhati Roy, after winning a booker prize in 1997 and numerous praises, revealed what she truly liked and thought about the world and was labelled an "Activist Writer" and pushed out from mainstream audiences. Oprah Winfrey, a television powerhouse, lost some of her audience after she came out with her support for Barack Obama, the current US president. Meg Ryan, after becoming America's sweetheart, tried to break free from the romantic lead stereotype and lost most of her audience and ultimately the "sweetheart" title. My friend playing the tabla, tried to express his opinions and quickly went out of favor for some of his listeners.

Without beating around the bush, let me ask the question that I am driving at- If you are given a platform where the masses lend you a piece of their five senses, would you use it to leverage more of it or would you use it to speak your mind? Of course, I would rather be given a platform than be a commoner lending an eye/ear to someone, but would I be able to fight the dilemma that comes with it?

What are you doing with the platform that you have been handed in life? Be it the platform of a parent, a boss, a friend or a soulmate. Obviously, I am not talking about the case where everyone agrees with you and all your audience is on the same aisle as you in the great ideology divide. I am talking about less than best case scenarios. Do you strive to be true to yourself or do you strive to make the platform bigger by pleasing the audience and thereby attracting more of them?

One of the readers of my blog told me - "If you write more about India and topics related to Indians, I am sure there will be more subscribers and readers to your post." Of course, you are intelligent enough to guess my reply - I write about stuff that I care about and what I feel is right. (Let us put aside for a moment, the fact that my audience is nowhere near a critical mass to shake things up.) Since advise is among one of the few things that are still free, let me dole out some.

Impart "values" and "morals" from the platform of a parent instead of the usual "Great Job" rhetoric. From the platform of a boss, look up, not down to people who report to you (Remember, some of them did have a choice but still stuck with you). Accept your loved one as a whole (the good with the bad) when you are handed the platform of a soul mate. Most importantly, be true to yourself and use the leverage to promote goodness in this truly amazing world of ours.

With that, I mark the end of my short and sweet Avatar as a preacher. Hopefully, I made you think. As for the Tabla player, we are all jamming this weekend at his place - I am looking forward to his reaction when the spotlight beam shines on his face.

Shameless Self Promotion - Do we have a choice?

Scene 1: The camera zooms into my living room. Scrambled toys, a swing and an open shelf greets the viewer. Zoom out, pan and scan the hall. More scattered toys, and a a pair of kids shoes. The viewer is now sure that there are at least a couple of kids in this living space. Ah, finally, there is a shot of a room with some light. Wait, is that me sitting in front of my computer? Yes, it's me alright. Zoom in to the computer display - The words that are displayed in the computer monitor are clear now. It reads - "2008 Performance Objectives, Goals and Results".

There is a reason for the screenplay-style writing above. As I was writing the performance review for the past year, that's exactly what it felt like - a screenplay. I was trying to write the whole story of what happened at my job over the past year so I could prove to my manager that I am a keeper. So I penned it with care - my bread winning capability depended on this not being a tragedy, musical or a comedy. The story line needed to be inspiring, touching and "feel good" at the same time. Like "SlumDog Millionaire" - the target audience (in this case my manager) should feel that I have worked hard in difficult conditions and that I deserve more, and more often.

Now the mind wanderer that I am, I started thinking. Can we get by without marketing ourselves these days? Marketing oneself aggressively for the right job is a given, but what about other venues? On digging that thought-mine deeper, I realized that we end up doing it more often than not.

For a good insurance premium, we tout our sans accident driving record, years of driving experience and clean driving habits. For a good life insurance policy, we even praise our genetics - "no heart attacks on my mom's or dad's side - Alzheimer's maybe, but that was my uncle - Moreover, I don't keep touch with him that much anyway". When your kids complain that you never get them this or that or that you never take them out, your inner salesperson wakes up from deep slumber and fires back - "What about the days we went out to the park and I got you Cheetos and all that popcorn? Remember when I took you the cinema and you cried for Ice Cream? I even bought you two. Remember?" When your significant other notices that you are not romantic as you used to be, you immediately put on your mental suit and tie and the sales pitch starts - "Oh so the diamond means nothing to you now? What about our trip to Hawaii? And the flowers I bought for our anniversary- Your appreciation did not even last much as the roses did, Honey!" Bravo , you finely tuned selling machines, Bravo!

In the era of increasing "Me First" mentality, people who take notice of good actions, intentions and hard work are few and far between. If anyone had doubts about Darwin's theory of "Survival of the Fittest", now is the time to look around and see proof of it. Success is no longer measured in goodwill, but on how much you can afford to donate at GoodWill (the store). The world is increasingly being transformed into a multitude of ladders and each one of us have multiple ones to climb - in pursuit of prized possessions, stable relationships and towering finances. The yardsticks used for measuring a country's well being are the Dow and Nasdaq, not the quality of life being lived by its people.

So the world leaves us with no choice but to market ourselves as good worker bees, good parents, great lovers and loving sons and daughters. However, I don't remember the last time I had to market my ability to be a good human being; a person whose policy is "Live and let Live". I guess that would be up to the orphans, the homeless and all the charity institutions that serve the greater good. They have to pitch to me, the greedy and self indulgent common man, as to why they are in dire need of money I have saved to help me climb the selfish ladders of life. Benevolence has never been a great asset to market anyway.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that when it came to this blog, I did have a choice in not indulging in shameless self promotion. I went along with it anyway and judging by the traffic to my site, it looks like I would have to fire the salesperson for lack of skill and poise. I know what you are thinking - let me dismiss that thought right away. No, it does not have anything to do with the quality of posts. "Remember that time when you read the awesome post and said it was good? Remember?"

Are we protecting our kids too much?

Last week, I was discussing politics with one of my friends over the phone when suddenly my son ran up to me and said "Dad you said a bad word!". I paused for a bit, taking time to replay my conversation on the phone for the last couple of minutes. Nothing seemed to come up in the "Not allowed while kids around" list. I turned to him and asked - which word? I still had a guilty look on my face - my conversation was about politics; and politicians usually can only be described in words that would not be uttered in a PG-13 movie. "You said 'stupid', dad" my son said with a wide smile which I am sure was the product of the role reversal that just happened - he caught ME doing something bad. At this point, I felt I was under a two pronged emotional attack - I was being falsely accused; and my son was being shielded from the words that are as common as - well, the common cold. "What? Stupid is a bad word?" - No, that was not me, it was my friend on the other end of the phone. On realizing he was still on the phone, I hastily said bye to him and hung up. I then went on to convince my son that "stupid" was not a bad word; its only when you call someone stupid that it takes on the bad meaning. To illustrate it further, I said the rule that had been put forth by the teacher was stupid, but calling the teacher stupid for putting out that rule would be plain wrong.

And now on to my deeper thoughts on the incident (which of course, led to the origin of this post).

Of course, everyone has their own acceptable level of what falls into the good and bad category which I think, is a result of a recipe that has equal parts of personal values, culture, religion and upbringing. But how much should we shield our children to the harsh realities of the world? I think we are speedily embracing a culture of over protecting our kids. 'Stupid' and 'dumb' are bad words, even news about small acts of barbarism are preceded with a caution - "may not be suitable for young children". I am not advocating that you should take your kids to a Quentin Tarantino movie to teach them about human brutality, but come on, when did "Tom and Jerry" become too violent and graphic for children just because a cat is shredding a mouse into pieces?

Kids in the so called "developed societies" are taught that everybody wins every time. Junior Baseball has been replaced by tee ball where everybody gets a shot and nobody loses. Ratings for reading aptitude have been replaced by fast, faster and fastest so that even the slowest reader is reading "fast". Calculators are being introduced in classes as early as the second grade so that the kids don't sweat out basic arithmetic. When we were planning games for my son's birthday, the overwhelming piece of advice we got was "Make sure there are no winners and losers". Is that the right message that is supposed to prepare them for an ultra competitive world out there? In a true global economy can our kids compete with kids all around the world where they are raised in tougher neighborhoods and have more exposure to the world as is instead of the polished and sugar coated version that is more kid-friendly? I mean, who are we kidding here?

So I say this - (Though I have no credentials in good child upbringing nor am I trained in doing so)
* Lay off that hand sanitizer which you use to wipe their hands every time they touch something you think is dirty; teach them rules of personal hygiene and let them decide on what they can or cannot touch.
* Get rid of games where everybody wins every time; teach them that a gracious loser is as honorable as the winner; point out their mistakes so they can correct it and become a winner the next time around.
* Let them play in the mud and touch things that they find interesting(As long as they are not in the hazardous materials list). Feed their curiosity about the unknown and when they are done, make sure they understand what they should do to get cleaned up. Remember all those good times when you were playing out in the elements of nature and having loads of fun because your parents had not seen all the ads about bacteria, dust mites, hand sanitizers and disinfecting wipes?
* Make them aware of evil elements in the world, let them know that there are good actions and bad actions that happen in the world and in baby steps, expose them to cruel acts that happen to their fellow human beings around the world. After all, if they cannot identify evil, how will they stay away from it or take steps so that they are not a part of it?
* Let them know they are privileged and lucky to have a life where most of their basic needs are met ( I am sure that wont be convincing for them because they always feel you don't get anything they want at the supermarket :-)) and that you are privileged and lucky to have them.

Lets not shape our kids into delicate flowers that can whither away in the slightest of winds or droop down under the morning sunlight. Lets try to make them tougher than us so that they can fight the strongest tempests of the new "truly global" world and come out victorious.

Oh that reminds me, I have to rush for an appointment at school - Discussion with my son's teacher on why I am being a "bad" parent and breaking rules set by the teacher. I have to say, I am NOT looking forward to that meeting. Ciao!