Are we protecting our kids too much?

Last week, I was discussing politics with one of my friends over the phone when suddenly my son ran up to me and said "Dad you said a bad word!". I paused for a bit, taking time to replay my conversation on the phone for the last couple of minutes. Nothing seemed to come up in the "Not allowed while kids around" list. I turned to him and asked - which word? I still had a guilty look on my face - my conversation was about politics; and politicians usually can only be described in words that would not be uttered in a PG-13 movie. "You said 'stupid', dad" my son said with a wide smile which I am sure was the product of the role reversal that just happened - he caught ME doing something bad. At this point, I felt I was under a two pronged emotional attack - I was being falsely accused; and my son was being shielded from the words that are as common as - well, the common cold. "What? Stupid is a bad word?" - No, that was not me, it was my friend on the other end of the phone. On realizing he was still on the phone, I hastily said bye to him and hung up. I then went on to convince my son that "stupid" was not a bad word; its only when you call someone stupid that it takes on the bad meaning. To illustrate it further, I said the rule that had been put forth by the teacher was stupid, but calling the teacher stupid for putting out that rule would be plain wrong.

And now on to my deeper thoughts on the incident (which of course, led to the origin of this post).

Of course, everyone has their own acceptable level of what falls into the good and bad category which I think, is a result of a recipe that has equal parts of personal values, culture, religion and upbringing. But how much should we shield our children to the harsh realities of the world? I think we are speedily embracing a culture of over protecting our kids. 'Stupid' and 'dumb' are bad words, even news about small acts of barbarism are preceded with a caution - "may not be suitable for young children". I am not advocating that you should take your kids to a Quentin Tarantino movie to teach them about human brutality, but come on, when did "Tom and Jerry" become too violent and graphic for children just because a cat is shredding a mouse into pieces?

Kids in the so called "developed societies" are taught that everybody wins every time. Junior Baseball has been replaced by tee ball where everybody gets a shot and nobody loses. Ratings for reading aptitude have been replaced by fast, faster and fastest so that even the slowest reader is reading "fast". Calculators are being introduced in classes as early as the second grade so that the kids don't sweat out basic arithmetic. When we were planning games for my son's birthday, the overwhelming piece of advice we got was "Make sure there are no winners and losers". Is that the right message that is supposed to prepare them for an ultra competitive world out there? In a true global economy can our kids compete with kids all around the world where they are raised in tougher neighborhoods and have more exposure to the world as is instead of the polished and sugar coated version that is more kid-friendly? I mean, who are we kidding here?

So I say this - (Though I have no credentials in good child upbringing nor am I trained in doing so)
* Lay off that hand sanitizer which you use to wipe their hands every time they touch something you think is dirty; teach them rules of personal hygiene and let them decide on what they can or cannot touch.
* Get rid of games where everybody wins every time; teach them that a gracious loser is as honorable as the winner; point out their mistakes so they can correct it and become a winner the next time around.
* Let them play in the mud and touch things that they find interesting(As long as they are not in the hazardous materials list). Feed their curiosity about the unknown and when they are done, make sure they understand what they should do to get cleaned up. Remember all those good times when you were playing out in the elements of nature and having loads of fun because your parents had not seen all the ads about bacteria, dust mites, hand sanitizers and disinfecting wipes?
* Make them aware of evil elements in the world, let them know that there are good actions and bad actions that happen in the world and in baby steps, expose them to cruel acts that happen to their fellow human beings around the world. After all, if they cannot identify evil, how will they stay away from it or take steps so that they are not a part of it?
* Let them know they are privileged and lucky to have a life where most of their basic needs are met ( I am sure that wont be convincing for them because they always feel you don't get anything they want at the supermarket :-)) and that you are privileged and lucky to have them.

Lets not shape our kids into delicate flowers that can whither away in the slightest of winds or droop down under the morning sunlight. Lets try to make them tougher than us so that they can fight the strongest tempests of the new "truly global" world and come out victorious.

Oh that reminds me, I have to rush for an appointment at school - Discussion with my son's teacher on why I am being a "bad" parent and breaking rules set by the teacher. I have to say, I am NOT looking forward to that meeting. Ciao!