How important is honest feedback?

He stood there, waiting for his mom to come home from work, holding a copy of his school magazine. His article had been published and he couldn't wait to show it to his mom. He had his finger as a bookmark at the page on which his story was printed. It was about a boy named "Raju", who did a good deed but met with bad consequences (This was the boy's idea of a surprising twist!). When his mom finally arrived, he ran to her and shouted out - "My story got printed, all my friends said it was great; look, look!". His mom took the book and then started reading it on her way into the house. She sat down on the sofa, let out a big heavy sigh when she was done reading and said "It is just OK; I don't know why your friends liked it so much though". It was then she saw the disappointment on her son's face, so she added - "I like the fact that you tried; And why does it have a different name as the author if you wrote it?"

"That is my pen name" - I said.

I was reminded of this incident when my son ran up to me and asked "Dad, look at what I drew, do you like it?". The look on his eyes said it all - He was proud of his work and he was expecting me to say "great job, wonderful". As a loving parent, what is the best way to handle such a situation? What if I did not like the drawing? Should I be a Simon Cowell or Paula Abdul in judging? (For those of you who do not know Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul or American Idol, planet earth sends her greetings and says she would like to have you back). I think dishing honest feedback about my story was one of the greatest favors my mom did to me. Being an avid reader, she instantly recognized that I was not cut out to be a writer and my material was mediocre at best. If I had listened to the glossy feedback of my friends, I would still be a struggling writer (not that I don't have struggles at what I do now), instead of having a career where I have someone pay me for the work I love to do. When is a good time to let your kids know that their talent is somewhere else; not where they think it is? Are you being fair to them by saying it is great work when its not that great and then they discover it for themselves when they are out in the real world? (thus having a more intense heartbreak). Or do you just hope that they would keep working at it until finally they are really good at it? I am constantly dogged with these questions every time I get asked "Dad, did you see how fast I ran?" or "Did you see the amazing tricks I just did?". Coming back to my son's drawing, I took the middle ground (a little bit of Simon and a little bit of Paula) and said - "I like it, but see here - these are some of the things you may need to work on". Yeah, I know what you are thinking, I did take the easy way out.

Every kid has talents and I think it is our obligation as a parent to help them identify the talent they are best at, and may be it comes with a cost of seeing them disappointed at times. I also think every kid is different and will react differently to same response. However, I do believe that the power of honest feedback should not be underestimated; who knows - it might influence his/her decision when they arrive at important crossroads in their life.

The other day my son, who is now four and a half, was reading a story book with me and he read the word "captivating"- just like that. Almost immediately, I said "great job, very nicely done" and I was being Simon Cowell; both at the same time. Folks, I think I have a clue on where his talent is going to be.