Now, what are you going to do about it?

Today, the world is without an evil, mentally sick man who went on a shooting rampage at a school. Today, the earth is lighter by 20 toddlers whose lives were taken away way too early, by no fault of their own. Today, the president teared up on national TV. Today, every parent in America who heard the news shuddered at the thought of "What if?".

Today, amidst the debates, news bytes and feelings alternating between grief and anger, I was reminded how incredibly lucky I am to come to home to two happy, healthy kids. All of us are excited by different things, but rarely by the everyday normal. Today, I realized I am among the lucky people for whom normal, though boring at times, is what matters most.

It goes without saying that no matter where one's affinity lies, be it on the right or the left, their thoughts and prayers go out to the families affected and they dont want this to happen ever again. That is the least anyone can do - even old, frail people who are in wheelchairs. If you are young, are a parent, and healthy, I urge you to do more than just send condolences and pray it never happens again. Civility codes and social niceties demand that debates, arguments or politics over this is too soon. As you may have already guessed, I beg to differ. The collective attention span of humanity is short, so if not now,  the mainstream media will slowly but surely lead our attention to discussions about the fiscal cliff crisis and the Kate Middleton pregnancy. 

So yeah, I am going to politicize the fuck out of this. I am going to engage in debates, and arguments about what I think should be done. I am also prepared to hear out opposing ideas setting aside my ego for the greater good of all. I am going to actively seek out venues where I can contribute - be it through time, money or open dialog. I maybe a tiny speck in the grand scheme of things, with not enough money, power or influence to create anything big -  hoping for a remote chance of inspiring someone who has any or all of the above.

Why? Because come this monday, twenty parents will not be able to pack lunches for their kids. Because if there is an afterlife, if I come face to face with one of the kids who left us today and If she asks me "What did YOU do for me?" - I will be able to answer "The best I could" with a straight face.

Read a book to Read yourself

Last week, I had to take 2 cross country flights to take for my company, without any company. So on a whim, I decided to carry "The God of Small Things" by Arundhati roy with me. You know, the book - that you don't have to turn or or off in the plane and does not exist tin the "approved electronics" list of the stewardess watchdogs.

Every time you read a good book, it is an encounter - in the mind, in the brain and also in the understanding of prose construction - especially if it is in a language that is not your primary one. The last time I read it because I had to - the novel had won a booker prize and was based in the state of Kerala where I am from.  So the literary poser in me had to form an opinion on it. This time, I wanted to read it -  eager to learn more about myself than the book. How had my perceptions changed about the story? How had my understanding of the workings of the world changed? This time around, I may sympathize with different characters . Just maybe, I would understand that people don't do bad things because they are evil. This time around, the author may convince me the underpinnings behind their actions. 

So on both my flights, I hung around with Rahel and Estha. With Baby Kochamma and Velutha. With familiar sights and happenings in Kerala. Most importantly, with Arundhati Roy, who was telling me more about the story, the characters, and a little about herself through her words. And in re-reading the book, I glimpsed a little more into how I had changed as a person from the last time I read the book. 

The author and her storytelling has changed how I look at things. At a plymouth car, at people who fight just because they have to seem like a rebel, at kids who are exploited of their innocence without them knowing it. Arundhati Roy doesn't even know it. And she never will. Such is the power of writing in the long form. May the world keep it alive for its own good and for the good of its people. 

image courtesy : http://27gen.blogspot.com/2010/11/reading-101.html

Can you decide on exactly what you want?

"I want that Red Hot wheels car with yellow wheels and red Hot Rod written on it" said my son, pointing to the exact model of the toy car he wanted from a sea of Hot Wheels cars.   I looked at all of them and couldn't tell many models from others. The immediate afterthought that came to my mind was "how come he can tell exactly what he wants from the sea of choices?". This time I turned the tables on him and asked "why"? Who knew in a couple of seconds I would regret asking that  - he started explaining in detail on why the color choices were those and what that model could do tat others can't and..well, you get the point.

I know what you are thinking - he is just a kid, he doesn't have to think of any consequences or repercussions of his choice. Which does mean that all of us had the same skill when we were children. We always knew what we wanted, what we craved for.  What we never had in our minds were questions like "Is it too much to ask for?", "I just got a toy last week, so maybe I shouldn't ask for one this week", or "Does my dad love me enough to even consider buying this toy?" or even "Is it realistic for me to think I will get this toy". We just knew what we wanted and we asked for it, come hell or highway.

Now somewhere along the way of growing up into overly concerned adults, we lost that uncanny ability. Even if we get to the point of knowing what we want, we never seem to cross the hurdle of a million questions to ask ourselves before expressing the need for it. Why do we constrain our needs with doubts like those? When we think of something we want, do we really need to muddle it by asking a bunch of reality based questions? Won't it blur the picture of what our exact need or specific need is?

After giving it some thought, I think we should not muddy the waters of what we are looking for. This way, we can get to what we want faster. And trust me, it will be the thing you actually want - Not something that looks like it, or something you could do with for the time being, or something you can live with or settle for. It will be exactly.what.you.want.

Ok, so now you get the picture of what you want - it maybe a raise, a promotion, a proposal, a relationship or a car or bike that you have been craving for.  So now, what is preventing you from asking for it  - may it be from yourself, your significant other, your boss or your mom( though if it is your mom you need to ask, then maybe there are other things you need in life :)) Are you sure that your object of desire has not been compromised by your other thoughts of whether it is attainable or not? Granted, no man is an island (and most definitely, men in a committed relationship never are ) but then expressing your exact, specific need and stating the reason for it can yield surprising results. Maybe it is a slap on the face or maybe a pat on the back or a kiss on the cheek. And if the result was among the last two, you are almost guaranteed that you will get what you want.

So a summary of the post you ask? None whatsoever - the whole point I was trying to make - dont let your needs be a summary; instead make them specific bullet points; ones that others will be compelled to read in full and understand it with the premise, so you can get what you want without them cutting you short of what you need.

Now onto focusing on how I can get my son to ask for less expensive toys.