Irony's a bitch.That's because it has the habit of biting one's butt when you least expect it.
At least that is what is going through Mr. Ramalinga Raju's (former embezzler CEO of Satyam) mind as he sits in his jail cell, perusing through magazines and waiting on the next installment of questions from the CID (Criminal Investigation Department). How do you know, you ask? Well, I know from the totally fictitious conversation I had with him this Sunday when I was dozing off on my (ever so embracing) couch. Curious? Here's the instant message exchange in its entirety.
sunilscribbles: Hey there Raju!
jailnotgr8: Careful there boy, you better call me Sir..I have hired tens of thousands of mere software engineers like you! Don't ever forget that we are in 2 different classes of society.
sunilscribbles: right sir, but I pay taxes that help law enforcement to put tens of thousands of law breakers like you behind bars...
jailnotgr8: hmm..you may have a point there, Sudheer.
sunilscribbles: My name is Sunil, not Sudheer.
jailnotgr8: Whatever - you desi software engineers are all the same.
sunilscribbles: nice nickname, by the way...totally captures your mood.
jailnotgr8: my cellmate recommended it, I think its great too. OK, so what did you want to talk about?
sunilscribbles: About the whole Satyam fiasco, I guess...
jailnotgr8: I have told it a million times already - Started out as a small overstatement, then it just grew as if it was on steroids, I had no choice, really.
sunilscribbles: What bull! Everyone has a choice. You sound like the mafia don who started out by stealing a loaf of bread; then at a later stage of life blames the society and says he had no choice. Come on Mr. Raju, people have more brains that that...
jailnotgr8: Oh you think so, Mr. Custodian of righteousness? Haven't you seen all the good coverage I am getting? I am still the hero of my village. Besides, just because the World Bank grew a conscience out of guilt does not make me or Satyam particularly bad.
sunilscribbles: Riiiight, I am sure the $1 Billion overstated profit has nothing to do with it.
jailnotgr8: I see. I have a question - Do you mix this sarcasm in your code too? Does your manager know about it?
sunilscribbles: Good one! Let's not go off topic. Listen - any qualms in naming your company "Satyam" - The Sanskrit word for truth?
jailnotgr8: Irony's a bitch. What more can I say? You live in the US, right? You accept that "24 hour fitness" is just a name, not their work ethic; many of their locations are not open for 24 hours a day - so why blame Satyam alone?
sunilscribbles: huh? I see you are repeating your overstatement in analogies too. So how is the interrogation going? I read that the CID grilled you - is that true?
jailnotgr8: far from it! They have the utmost respect for me. They think I am the next Charles Shobhraj! In fact, one of the officer's son will complete his MBA next year; so in exchange for some favors from him, I will be trying to pull some of my contacts to get that kid a good job!
sunilscribbles: That's not fair - How dare they?
jailnotgr8: From all your frustration, I guess you lost some money in Satyam stock? How much did you lose in Nasdaq?
sunilscribbles: I don't want to get into specifics, but enough to buy a used Honda civic. I sure hope you enjoy that car when you get out of jail after 10 years.
jailnotgr8: LOL! You crack me up susheel - that's great wishful thinking. If you mean retirement, then sure, I am thinking about in the next 10 years. In fact, I am discussing that with my jailmate, Kosaraju Venkateshwara Rao.
sunilscribbles: My name is not..(sigh) Anyway, is this the same guy who allegedly duped depositors of nearly Rs 32 crore (Rs 320 million) and fled to Bangkok?
jailnotgr8: Spot on! I am finding more like minded people here than on that god forsaken Satyam Board!
sunilscribbles: How come they allow use of Instant messaging to such evil minded criminals?
jailnotgr8: They don't, you fool! This is totally a made up convo- remember?
sunilscribbles: oh, right - In that case, enjoy my used Honda civic Mr. Raju, and do stick the logo that I have put up above - it reads "asatyam", the complete opposite of "satyam". May I also recommend reading "My experiments with Truth" by Gandhiji while you are killing time in your cell? Who knows, you may even make money by writing a second part - "My experiments ( the other kind) with Satyam" since sequels are all the rage now a days.
jailnotgr8: haaaa haa haa (make no mistake - I am mocking you!). After some years, I will be back strutting my heels on the floors of high society and you will still be a common man trying to make ends meet. So there you go, I have the last laugh - Deal with it.
sunilscribbles has logged off.
jailnotgr8: I knew it! He could never handle reality - What a loser!
"Honey! Are you still on the couch? Could you get me a diaper for the baby? And make it quick".
Oops! The previous line was not from my instant messaging encounter, but a small dose of "wakeup" juice to reality.
5 comments:
Raju was "riding a tiger not knowing how to get off it without being eaten". Looks like he was trying to Lord Ayyappa. :)
Check out the operating margins of the major consulting firms in India. If you do a comparision, "a"Satyam's OM is 3%. He either did not know how to run a company or he was siphoning off funds.
Good one, Sunil! Enjoyed reading this!
@Nona,
I go with option b - siphoning off funds en masse.
@Anamika,
Thanks! Glad that you enjoyed it.
Very creative yet you managed to get the message through, nice.
And it has analogue?
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