If you can't beat 'em, acquire 'em

As Goliath was carrying on his "business as usual" in the valley, he saw David and his small team of supporters coming up in the horizon. David had his game face on and had the famous 'slingshot' armed. They gazed furiously at each other, replaying their attack plans in their heads and calming their nerves in preparation for the forthcoming confrontation.

***

As I settled in my seat at the office, I sensed a tickle in my brain. It was my instinct telling me that something wasn't right. There was a bag of bagels left at our project room table (Almost always, they are left overs from a failed attempt of the executives to please clients). Turns out, it was just a start - then came three visits from three top people in our company - all beginning with the same question; "How are you guys doing?". They were all dressed to impress and some of them had flown cross country to be here. That did it - I was now 'officially' freaked out.

***

As Goliath was about to scream and run at his opponent, a wise man grabbed his hand and said to him - "I would like to have a word with you". David watched carefully as Goliath leaned down and patiently listened to the wise man. As if he had gained some wisdom of his own, Goliath nodded his head in agreement and a smile dawned on his face.

***

The next day at the office was just as confusing - there were unforeseen preparations for our all hands meeting. Our accountant came by and said - "Guys, I have been to hell and back". She did not look too happy, so I had to assume that her trip to hell did not go well. Then it was deja vu - executives came by asking "How are you guys doing?" Email threads went out asking for suggestions for the food at the all hands meeting. (To be honest, I think the name "All Hands Meeting" is derived from "All the Hands" gulping down free food. Seriously, that is the only part were all hands are involved.) One of my colleagues suggested Kabobs and that stuck. Towards noon(the all hands meeting was scheduled to happen at noon), tensions were rising and I did not know what was my number one priority - feeding my hunger or quenching my thirst for definitive answers.

***

Goliath collected his thoughts for a while and then talked to a couple more people in his army. All shook their heads in agreement and then Goliath slowly walked towards David. David stood his ground, never doubting his strength for a moment, still aiming his slingshot at Goliath. David's supporters were not as strong as David - their knees shivered and heads drooped down as they waited for the inevitable arrival of Goliath.

***

At the all hands meeting, we were finally informed of what had been brewing. Our company had been acquired. Another company of giant proportions was "excited" about our products and thought we were all "experts" at what we did - so they bought us. Fate always finds ways to amuse itself. As we were eating the kabobs, we were also told that there was one casualty in the process - my colleague who had suggested kabobs for lunch. As a good gesture, he was invited back to have the kabobs( I suspect guilt had something to do with it). It was then that I saw the perfect mating of socialism and capitalism - the 'corporation' and the 'person' understanding the forces at work behind all this (one doing a much better job than the other. No prices for guessing the right answer though). We all came back to our offices dazed and confused even though the corporate textbook on how to be a successful human being says "A stable job and a big company are must ingredients for happiness". History has the advantage of hindsight, so I guess I will have to judge the textbook in the future.

***

David was taken aback when Goliath hugged him and shouted - "Congratulations!" He then shook David's hand and continued - "We are one team now. We tried to build the slingshot and failed, so let us work together to make your slingshot better." David was confused since he did not know whether he had beaten his enemy or his enemy had beaten him. All of his "go to men" were cheering and so were Goliaths'; so he figured it must be a win-win situation. When his moment of confusion passed, he suddenly realized that he no longer had his slingshot. Goliath's supporters had taken it and were already discussing plans to make it meaner, more appealing to the masses and how to retrofit it to their armoury specifications.

***

With smarter corporations and the ever blurring definition of "success", it is time to rewrite the most popular underdog story of our times.

My friends, it has been a pleasure to present to you, David Vs. Goliath 2.0.

Power to the voter

Represent! Show your agreement or disagreement of the way things are - Show them the finger! (No, not literally, but by putting it down on a voting machine.)

Of course, this is only possible in a democratic country. So if you live in a nation that is one, please don't throw away the power to vote. Sacrifices that people made to get rid of dictatorship and colonialism should not be forgotten; nor should it be in vain.

I have always been a big proponent of voting. A huge chunk of the population thought that their vote would not make a difference in the US presidential election of 2000. Boy, did they get it wrong on that one or what? So, it doesn't matter what your political belief is - get out there and make yourself heard.

The reason I wanted to bring it up is this - recently Obama's campaign brought about an unprecedented change in campaign tactics. The gist of it being - if you sign up as a volunteer or supporter of their campaign, you would be among the first to be notified when Obama's VP choice is revealed - via text message. What better way to give power to the voter? The campaign bypassed all the experienced "pundits" and "Washington insiders" in the main stream media dishing out their "thoughts of righteousness" and "model citizen behavior". These days, they (the gawker media pundits) don't even know that they have the huge responsibility of sculpting public opinion. Its more a discourse of emotions, instincts and gotchas. I strongly recommend reading this short piece on the Obama campaign's tactic I mentioned above - unlike this piece, it is well written and gets to the precise point. Here it is - "Enjoying the cone of Silence". Sit back, relax and read how power to the voter can feel like.

Remember, not voting is like some one else telling you how to live your life. If you don't know what it feels like, just ask any person who is married.

How important is honest feedback?

He stood there, waiting for his mom to come home from work, holding a copy of his school magazine. His article had been published and he couldn't wait to show it to his mom. He had his finger as a bookmark at the page on which his story was printed. It was about a boy named "Raju", who did a good deed but met with bad consequences (This was the boy's idea of a surprising twist!). When his mom finally arrived, he ran to her and shouted out - "My story got printed, all my friends said it was great; look, look!". His mom took the book and then started reading it on her way into the house. She sat down on the sofa, let out a big heavy sigh when she was done reading and said "It is just OK; I don't know why your friends liked it so much though". It was then she saw the disappointment on her son's face, so she added - "I like the fact that you tried; And why does it have a different name as the author if you wrote it?"

"That is my pen name" - I said.

I was reminded of this incident when my son ran up to me and asked "Dad, look at what I drew, do you like it?". The look on his eyes said it all - He was proud of his work and he was expecting me to say "great job, wonderful". As a loving parent, what is the best way to handle such a situation? What if I did not like the drawing? Should I be a Simon Cowell or Paula Abdul in judging? (For those of you who do not know Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul or American Idol, planet earth sends her greetings and says she would like to have you back). I think dishing honest feedback about my story was one of the greatest favors my mom did to me. Being an avid reader, she instantly recognized that I was not cut out to be a writer and my material was mediocre at best. If I had listened to the glossy feedback of my friends, I would still be a struggling writer (not that I don't have struggles at what I do now), instead of having a career where I have someone pay me for the work I love to do. When is a good time to let your kids know that their talent is somewhere else; not where they think it is? Are you being fair to them by saying it is great work when its not that great and then they discover it for themselves when they are out in the real world? (thus having a more intense heartbreak). Or do you just hope that they would keep working at it until finally they are really good at it? I am constantly dogged with these questions every time I get asked "Dad, did you see how fast I ran?" or "Did you see the amazing tricks I just did?". Coming back to my son's drawing, I took the middle ground (a little bit of Simon and a little bit of Paula) and said - "I like it, but see here - these are some of the things you may need to work on". Yeah, I know what you are thinking, I did take the easy way out.

Every kid has talents and I think it is our obligation as a parent to help them identify the talent they are best at, and may be it comes with a cost of seeing them disappointed at times. I also think every kid is different and will react differently to same response. However, I do believe that the power of honest feedback should not be underestimated; who knows - it might influence his/her decision when they arrive at important crossroads in their life.

The other day my son, who is now four and a half, was reading a story book with me and he read the word "captivating"- just like that. Almost immediately, I said "great job, very nicely done" and I was being Simon Cowell; both at the same time. Folks, I think I have a clue on where his talent is going to be.

Feeling poor and feeling good at the same time

Headphones? check. Laptop bag? check. $1.75 exact change handy? check.

This was my first day of taking public transportation to work. I plugged in my earphones and slowly walked towards the bus stop. It was a pleasant sunny day; I could sense a small spring in my steps as a result of my mood elevation. Fast forward 12 minutes - I was at the bus stop waiting for bus number 57 to arrive. It was a small bus stop, complete with a bench that was empty, but I decided to stand and wait since I had so much adrenaline pumping.

As I stood there gazing at the cars zoom by in both directions, my enthusiasm seemed to be withering down in a slow and steady pace. It was then that I realized it - I was feeling poor. My brain was playing a slide show of all my prior years of taking public transportation. The sweaty waits at the bus stop, the entrapment of my nostrils near armpits of random people in a crowded bus and finally, hanging on to the bus like a sari upon a clotheslines on a windy day. Didn't I work hard so I could get the luxury of a car? Am I not privileged to my "own private space"?

I was woken up from my thoughts by a low hiss of a bus coming to a stop. I boarded the bus(now a less desiring object than I had previously imagined), found a seat, and settled in. Was this a wrong decision to begin with? But wait, I have a car now, and I was not on the bus because it was my only choice. This was a choice I made on my own terms(consciously and happily);lets investigate why.

I strongly believe that a consumer should be able to limit his/her consumption of a commodity as and when the price of that commodity fluctuates. With gas(or petrol as it is known in most places) prices at an astronomical high, I, as a consumer, should be able to say "Well, I don't need it that much anymore". But as we all know, in the case of gas, it doesn't work that way. I still have to drive the same amount of miles, and the miles per gallon equation is not one that I change without changing the car itself. Though speculation is being suspected for rising prices, the IEA(International Energy Agency) thinks its not so. The oil barons blame India and China for growing demand. While they are at it, they are also blaming India and China for global warming, population explosion and a boat load of other things. Yeah that's right, when corporations cannot find good reasons for ripping off people, blame it on the third world countries for having aspirations and working hard to achieve global status as a developed country(Did you know California's 20 billion gallon gasoline and diesel habit is greater than China’s or India’s?). I guess they need scapegoats to offset their guilt and reap the benefits of humanity's over dependence of
oil. Isn't it ironic that we still have debates on the validity of global warming when the damage it's doing to our planet is crystal clear?

From my research, the only effective way to stick it up to the oil man is to cut demand and there is no better way than to take up using public transportation (Driving less is also an option, but then that would be letting the oil company dictate your lifestyle). The fact that oil prices plunged around $25 when world's largest consumers of oil(USA leads among the pack) reduced their intake, is a glaring proof of the same. So why is not every one taking it up you ask? I think people equate public transportation(which comes packaged with lifestyle inconveniences) with under achievement in life. My feeling of poverty and a sense of luxury entitlement mentioned above may help solving a small piece of the puzzle.

So to my own surprise, I decided to rise above my little selfish needs and do something for the greater good. That brings us to where I left off earlier. The bus trip had given me benefits galore so far - a workout for my heart, hamstrings and gluteals, no speeding or speeding ticket worries, no tying the seat belt contraption around me (I am not into bondage and S&M anyway), all the time to dream, think and people watch. Plus, boarding a bus is number 14 on the 51 ways to fight global warming. "This is way beyond a good feeling" - I thought; "I think I am going to do this more often". I looked outside and realized that my point B was fast approaching.

Right bus stop? check. Laptop bag? check. Feel good factor from doing the right thing? checkmate.

Suggested replies for questions asked to a Desi!

Some suggestions from me on tackling questions usually asked to a Desi. They are original, so I take responsibility for any(or all) of them not being funny!

Oh, you are from India; Do you speak Indian?
Yes, I am speaking it right now. Its just the same as "american" but with a little accent sprinkled on it for flavor. You know how we Indians don't like anything that lacks flavor.
Why do Indians and Pakistanis hate each other so much?
It's simple really; it is a part of our budget friendly immigration policy. That way, we don't have to spend money on big walls to keep out illegal immigrants.
I can never understand the concept of an arranged marriage; Can you explain it to me?
Sure; its not so hard. You know how you guys find your "soul mate" and then get the assistance of a wedding planner to arrange everything else? Arranged marriage just works the other way. Our parents arrange our "soul mate" and the we arrange everything else for the wedding. Trust me, my parents have a bigger network than matchmaker.com and eharmony.com combined!
Are you dark skinned because you are from south India?
No. Every time a person who is ignorant about world culture asks me a question, my skin becomes a shade darker.
What is the status of your green card? How far along is it?
Since you seem to be so concerned, here's the URL to the INS status page.<>. Please let me know when my green card is in the mail; thanks.
Why do Hindus have so many gods?Well, as you know India is a socialist country. We believe in equal distribution of workload. I think just asking one or two gods to take care of prayers from millions of people is overkill.
Isn't eating with hands unhygienic?
No, because I know all the places my hands have been through; the forks and spoons - not so much. Havent you seen those shows that feature hidden cameras in restaurants? yuck!
How come you have such a long name?
Perhaps my parents worked harder to come up with a name that is meaningful and uncommon than simply settling for "Bob".

(Dear reader- Add your questions and answers in the comments and I will add it in the list.)

While at the dentist...

"Is it paining Sunil? "

As I lay flat on the dentist's seat with my mouth wide open and a wide tissue paper ( I am sure it has another proper name in dentist science) hung around my neck like an ornament, I shook my head in an effort to say "No, not at all". A small smile appeared on the dentist's face. I knew I was faking it - my hands were clutched together and the sweat glands on my palms were hard at work; my ankles were kissing each other and my heart was beating so strong that the dental instruments placed on my chest were jumping up and down.(The last part was exaggerated, but you get the point). I looked up at the Styrofoam roof (it's not like you've got many other options to lock in your gaze while you are at the mercy of your dentist), and it seemed as if the song coming from the speakers was a message from up above. It was the song from Police - "Every smile you fake, I will be watching you.."

And then, all of a sudden, I felt the feeling of calm. The pain killer had taken effect. I closed my eyes and thought - "How could I be such a hypocrite? I just denied having pain to a doctor who expects not to be lied to; someone who is working hard for my best health interests (hopefully). And that's when it got me thinking - maybe, just maybe, I picked up the trait from my home state of Kerala.

Before you throw up your arms in revolt, allow me to explain what prompted me to think so. Kerala has the highest literacy rate in the country (of India, stupid!), has the highest life expectancy, lowest birth rate and lowest infant mortality. Don't take my word for it, look it up here. So why is it that Kerala is dogged with high unemployment, lack of skilled workers and an undying urge of its native population to get out of the state? Kerala is known as the "middle east" of India to people of other states - in other words, thats where you go to make money. Still, there's an undying opinion of "ee naadu nannavilla" (translation: this state will not get better) from malayalis. Kerala movie audiences reject any sexual innuendo in malayalam movies, but flock to movies of other languages that have the same in abundance. While hard work and exemplary behavior are strictly out of bounds for them within the state borders, those are the same qualities that they use to make themselves extraordinary citizens outside their state. In a tourism perspective, it is "God's own country", but the devil is hard at work slowly eating out all the natural beauty of it from within. Is there really a kerala model that's playing out here?

Although all of the above assertions are generalized, I believe that generalizing the characterisitics of a state and its natives is not much of a far fetched idea. There is some truth to it and yes, there is also a lot of room for debate.

"Ok, I think the root canal is done - your numbness will come off in a bit. Hopefully it was not too painful", the doctor said, smiling. I did not waste time in gesturing that I did not even feel a thing - true in this case since I was engaged in an engaging thought process (in case you asked, yes, I do put myself in a pedestal once in a while)! Slowly, my pain killer started to wear off and so was my ability to think about stuff that does not affect my daily life. Maybe I should visit the dentist more often to get the creative brain juice flowing :-)

Aah, the pain killer is all gone now. Hello there - my native, naive self.