Now, what are you going to do about it?

Today, the world is without an evil, mentally sick man who went on a shooting rampage at a school. Today, the earth is lighter by 20 toddlers whose lives were taken away way too early, by no fault of their own. Today, the president teared up on national TV. Today, every parent in America who heard the news shuddered at the thought of "What if?".

Today, amidst the debates, news bytes and feelings alternating between grief and anger, I was reminded how incredibly lucky I am to come to home to two happy, healthy kids. All of us are excited by different things, but rarely by the everyday normal. Today, I realized I am among the lucky people for whom normal, though boring at times, is what matters most.

It goes without saying that no matter where one's affinity lies, be it on the right or the left, their thoughts and prayers go out to the families affected and they dont want this to happen ever again. That is the least anyone can do - even old, frail people who are in wheelchairs. If you are young, are a parent, and healthy, I urge you to do more than just send condolences and pray it never happens again. Civility codes and social niceties demand that debates, arguments or politics over this is too soon. As you may have already guessed, I beg to differ. The collective attention span of humanity is short, so if not now,  the mainstream media will slowly but surely lead our attention to discussions about the fiscal cliff crisis and the Kate Middleton pregnancy. 

So yeah, I am going to politicize the fuck out of this. I am going to engage in debates, and arguments about what I think should be done. I am also prepared to hear out opposing ideas setting aside my ego for the greater good of all. I am going to actively seek out venues where I can contribute - be it through time, money or open dialog. I maybe a tiny speck in the grand scheme of things, with not enough money, power or influence to create anything big -  hoping for a remote chance of inspiring someone who has any or all of the above.

Why? Because come this monday, twenty parents will not be able to pack lunches for their kids. Because if there is an afterlife, if I come face to face with one of the kids who left us today and If she asks me "What did YOU do for me?" - I will be able to answer "The best I could" with a straight face.

Read a book to Read yourself

Last week, I had to take 2 cross country flights to take for my company, without any company. So on a whim, I decided to carry "The God of Small Things" by Arundhati roy with me. You know, the book - that you don't have to turn or or off in the plane and does not exist tin the "approved electronics" list of the stewardess watchdogs.

Every time you read a good book, it is an encounter - in the mind, in the brain and also in the understanding of prose construction - especially if it is in a language that is not your primary one. The last time I read it because I had to - the novel had won a booker prize and was based in the state of Kerala where I am from.  So the literary poser in me had to form an opinion on it. This time, I wanted to read it -  eager to learn more about myself than the book. How had my perceptions changed about the story? How had my understanding of the workings of the world changed? This time around, I may sympathize with different characters . Just maybe, I would understand that people don't do bad things because they are evil. This time around, the author may convince me the underpinnings behind their actions. 

So on both my flights, I hung around with Rahel and Estha. With Baby Kochamma and Velutha. With familiar sights and happenings in Kerala. Most importantly, with Arundhati Roy, who was telling me more about the story, the characters, and a little about herself through her words. And in re-reading the book, I glimpsed a little more into how I had changed as a person from the last time I read the book. 

The author and her storytelling has changed how I look at things. At a plymouth car, at people who fight just because they have to seem like a rebel, at kids who are exploited of their innocence without them knowing it. Arundhati Roy doesn't even know it. And she never will. Such is the power of writing in the long form. May the world keep it alive for its own good and for the good of its people. 

image courtesy : http://27gen.blogspot.com/2010/11/reading-101.html

Can you decide on exactly what you want?

"I want that Red Hot wheels car with yellow wheels and red Hot Rod written on it" said my son, pointing to the exact model of the toy car he wanted from a sea of Hot Wheels cars.   I looked at all of them and couldn't tell many models from others. The immediate afterthought that came to my mind was "how come he can tell exactly what he wants from the sea of choices?". This time I turned the tables on him and asked "why"? Who knew in a couple of seconds I would regret asking that  - he started explaining in detail on why the color choices were those and what that model could do tat others can't and..well, you get the point.

I know what you are thinking - he is just a kid, he doesn't have to think of any consequences or repercussions of his choice. Which does mean that all of us had the same skill when we were children. We always knew what we wanted, what we craved for.  What we never had in our minds were questions like "Is it too much to ask for?", "I just got a toy last week, so maybe I shouldn't ask for one this week", or "Does my dad love me enough to even consider buying this toy?" or even "Is it realistic for me to think I will get this toy". We just knew what we wanted and we asked for it, come hell or highway.

Now somewhere along the way of growing up into overly concerned adults, we lost that uncanny ability. Even if we get to the point of knowing what we want, we never seem to cross the hurdle of a million questions to ask ourselves before expressing the need for it. Why do we constrain our needs with doubts like those? When we think of something we want, do we really need to muddle it by asking a bunch of reality based questions? Won't it blur the picture of what our exact need or specific need is?

After giving it some thought, I think we should not muddy the waters of what we are looking for. This way, we can get to what we want faster. And trust me, it will be the thing you actually want - Not something that looks like it, or something you could do with for the time being, or something you can live with or settle for. It will be exactly.what.you.want.

Ok, so now you get the picture of what you want - it maybe a raise, a promotion, a proposal, a relationship or a car or bike that you have been craving for.  So now, what is preventing you from asking for it  - may it be from yourself, your significant other, your boss or your mom( though if it is your mom you need to ask, then maybe there are other things you need in life :)) Are you sure that your object of desire has not been compromised by your other thoughts of whether it is attainable or not? Granted, no man is an island (and most definitely, men in a committed relationship never are ) but then expressing your exact, specific need and stating the reason for it can yield surprising results. Maybe it is a slap on the face or maybe a pat on the back or a kiss on the cheek. And if the result was among the last two, you are almost guaranteed that you will get what you want.

So a summary of the post you ask? None whatsoever - the whole point I was trying to make - dont let your needs be a summary; instead make them specific bullet points; ones that others will be compelled to read in full and understand it with the premise, so you can get what you want without them cutting you short of what you need.

Now onto focusing on how I can get my son to ask for less expensive toys.

Naughty, Nice or something in between?

As this year comes to a grinding halt, we are all being bombarded with messages of holiday spirits, wishes for the holidays and of course, 70 to 80% off sale prices. And then there is the all intricate fabric of  holiday traditions, stories and gifting etiquette that weaves into our daily life whether we choose it or not.

I am guessing most of you are either in the process or finishing up the year end review process. The laborious but necessary chore of recapping what you did, how well you did it and promises of how you will do it better next time around. During the holiday season this process supplants itself everywhere. Kids are pondering over what they did to evaluate their entry into the nice or naughty list, adults going over the same and making resolutions as if they are promising themselves that they will do a better job next time around. And then there are the top 10 lists that weeds out all other non performers  in each of the gazillion categories that the human race can be categorized to.

So how did you fare this year? What rating would you give yourself? Give it some thought. Were you nice, naughty or something in between? The ratings are completely relative, so you have the liberty of making yourself the judge. If you played by the rules, your needs and wants are all in the nice category. If you were a little adventurous, maybe you strayed a little into the naughty territory. But then, kid or adult, all of us have a secret Santa. Be it an elderly obese man dressed in a red suit or an ultimate being with universal authority to judge. For others who do not believe in supreme beings, they let the judging be done by fellow human beings.  

As for me,  I sit on my couch slowly morphing myself into the shape of Santa Clause year after year. One thing I promise to myself is that I will not make a nice or naughty list. My choices are my choices and they may fall into the nice bucket for some and naughty bucket for others.  Conclusion - there is no point in being judged by anyone else who is not in your exact situation that made you do stuff falling in each category.

So let us toast to a happy new year, wishing we stray in between the nice and naughty categories, never even straying into the evil category. We have many troubles in the world and adding more evil into it would be like adding salt to sea water. Wish for something nice, want for something naughty and maybe Santa will grace you with some of both. Wish you a nice nice holiday season and a naughty new year!

Milestone Check

Milestones are important for various reasons. Of course, it tells you how far your destination is, but I am more interested in knowing how far I have traveled.  A reflection on the path so far, a guess on how it will be from now on - all follows.

I have not kept my support and admiration for Obama a secret. So it was not surprising when someone asked me about how my support for Obama was doing, a year before the elections. Sure, I am disappointed that all my assumptions about him did not bear fruit, but he cannot be held accountable for the little garden I had built in my head for a more peaceful, tolerant world.

• Passed healthcare reform even with obstruction from the blue "dog(s)" democrats.
• Got Osama in the head while making fun of opposition leaders at the White House press corps dinner event.
• Repealed "Don't ask, Don't tell".
• Credit Card reform, Student Loan reform enacted.
• Got Awlaki without having a soldier step on Libyan land.
• Initiated withdrawal from Iraq.

And many other things that moves mankind forward - even though inch by inch.

So "How is the hope and change stuff working for you"  you ask?

Very well, thank you.

Now, on to the reelection  campaign of 2012.

Mediocrity - underrated?

The other day a friend of mine asked me - "When does a man know that the most he achieves in life will be mediocrity? Late 40s? Late 50s?" I thought that was a very thought provoking question. He asked it with a very muted tone sounding as if mediocrity was a sign that someone has failed in life.

I like to think otherwise. Excluding the lazy bunch who waste their talents and find pleasure in couch camping, I would say the majority of us are termed "mediocre". But is that bad? Isn't mediocrity way underrated? Yes, life is indeed a race - and considering the starting point, we have come far. Now, if the finishing point is not out of the ordinary, that does not mean we have not run a good race. All of us are born with tools to mould life. Some of us with power tools and others with just a chisel and hammer. I say we do best with the tools we have and what we build out of it is ours to own. There is only room for so many greats in this world. Besides, we are never mediocre for people who care about us. Striving for greatness is perfectly fine, but make sure that achieving greatness is not the only way you will ever be satisfied in life.

Now you may be thinking - "You will never make money as a motivational speaker". I agree. Thankfully, I did not choose that profession in life and the world is a better place to be in precisely due to that decision of mine. However, I am mediocre in most of the stuff I do, but I do give it my best shot.

Be great at achieving greatness, but if mediocrity is what you get, never let the label take away the fun of  appreciating how far in life you have travelled to reach it.

Until next time - when I meet with you at the crossroads of another mediocre article on this mediocre blog.

image courtesy: http://www.justynsmith.com/2011/03/the-mediocre-kidmin-leader-part-2/

Life, Interrupted.

"Yeah, its all over now", my brother said with a deep sigh. "He looked just as handsome as he did before all of this happened". My heart felt heavier and my eyes teared up as I looked out the window hoping to find deeper answers to life's more complex questions.
***********
Around nine months ago, I was woken up by a phone call very early in the morning. It was the weekend, so I let it ring and continued my slumber until I got my lazy butt out of bed. It was after doing my morning chores that I decided to check who had called - it was my wife's cousin. The voice mail he left threw me right out of my comfort zone. He had been having headaches, so the doctor suggested an MRI and they had discovered a tumor in his brain. I felt like slapping myself for not taking his call and letting it go to voice mail. I desperately tried to call him back, but did not get any answer. It was later on that I knew he had been hospitalized and they had started further investigations into his condition.

Fast forward a couple of weeks - I traveled to Chicago to be by his side and also receive his parents who were on their way from India. It was 3 days packed with emotions - of him, his sister and his parents. There was a mix of anxiety, despair and hope for a better future - Medical science has made so many advances - we can clone entire organs, so a tumor in the brain could not be much of a puzzle for the brightest of doctors right?

Except, it was. They ruled out surgery as it was too complex and started chemo, radiation and rehabilitation. I painfully watched as his dad helped him regain his strength to walk, assist him to the bathroom and help him with other things otherwise considered mundane in daily life. For his dad, it was as if life had progressed in reverse, when his son was a little boy, and he was holding his hands to help him get his balance.

As time passed he fought back with his strong will power and zest for living, but then all of that suffered huge blows as hope dwindled and more doctors said that there was nothing more they could do. He never complained about how life was unfair and that he was given the short end of a stick. The bounce in his talk was still there, though occasionally he would delve into long streaks of silence. He joked about the hair he had lost because of the chemo and of the weight he had put on because of all the steroids.

After putting up a brave fight, the third week of March was destined to be his last on this planet. The last few days were particularly tough - for him and everyone close to him and then he decided he had enough. The tumor eventually outgrew his willpower and took over control. I guess some dark clouds do not have a silver lining after all.
******
After that phone call from my brother after his funeral, I called and spoke to his dad the next day. It hurt deeply, and though the chatty person that I am, I was at a loss for words in all languages I knew. I told him what I felt - all he could do was to look after himself and hos wife as his son would have done and that live life as happily as he would have wanted you to. In a way, the best homage to a bright young lad.

The loss of a child is more scarring in many ways compared to the loss of parents or close relatives. It hurts you until your last breath. Many a lesson can be learned from all of this - the most important one being - never  lose the joy of living life amidst complaints about all the nitty grtty details.

Jiby was 24 at the time of his funeral. He was just beginning to enjoy life in its prime - precisely why he fought so hard against what eventually took his life at a young age. May his soul rest his peace and may his memories light up moments of people he touched.

Sleep well my friend, for you shall be forever young.

Picture courtesy - http://usagamezone.blogspot.com